I had an interview this past Friday for a prosecutorial position Baltimore. I enjoyed taking the MARC train up, and I was very pleased to discover that Baltimore had a free bus system that ran past Penn Station and went to exactly where I needed to go. Given the weather conditions, this was ideal.
On the bus, one of the other riders stated to no one in particular: "I'm trying to get to (location). Does anyone know what's the next bus I need to catch?" I have not seen this happen in D.C.
Then another rider responded: "Oh yes, I'm going out that direction myself, I'll show you the stop." I have also not seen this happen in D.C. I looked around the rest of the bus to see if anyone else was displaying any sort of sign that this interaction was unusual. I saw nothing. I decided that Baltimore was a generally friendlier place than D.C. and that I would relate this specific anecdote in my meeting if asked why I wanted to work in Baltimore.
After a few minutes, I was at my stop and got off the bus. I started walking towards the appropriate building where I would be having my interview. A woman behind me started screaming that someone had stolen her purse. I turned around to see someone run into the alley being pursued by two presumably helpful Baltimorians. Since it was more of a mixed anecdote, I decided not to tell that particular story during my interview.
The interview itself went well, though it was very different from any other interview that I have ever had. Apparently in prosecutor's offices they actually care whether or not you know the law and aren't content to talk about music or TV shows for the duration of the interview. I'm okay with that. I have a second round interview in a couple of weeks, so at least a couple of my answers must have been legally sound.
On Friday night Kels and I went to the Tempest cast party at Josh/Steph/Dan's place. Steph made ALL the food, as usual, including some new blue mousse stuff made with white chocolate that was excellent. We then played Two Rooms and a Boom, which is a card-game variant on mafia.
On Saturday night we went into Alexandria to celebrate David and Shannan's engagement at Tim's place. I spent most of that evening heckling David, because that's just what we do. Then we watched Hangover II, which was relevant because David and Shannan are going to have one of their weddings (it's complicated) in Thailand.
On Sunday I helped judge a college mock trial tournament. My co-judge was a guy who had been practicing in New York for the past twenty years and he liked to talk a lot, so I was the Teller to his Penn. The college students were a lot better at a lot of mock trial than me, but I was a lot better at pretending I was better at mock trial than they were so they listened to what I said.
Next week is the GGSS performance of The Tempest, directed by Ben and Sara and starring Josh and Dan and Justine and Xander and many of our other favorite people. Also, we have been invited to a party this Sunday for some sort of sporting event. And food. I'm in for the food.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Snow Day!
This week I will end up going to only one class due to snow and MLK day. I am okay with this and I used a majority of the free time between Friday and today to go about the very useful and important work of playing board games with friends and eating.
Today, though, I decided to be somewhat useful to my future self and start the bar application process. For various reasons, including the fact that all of my interviews (including one this Friday) tend to be there, I have decided to take the Maryland bar. I have spent the past several hours listing every address where I have ever lived, ever. In the "reasons for moving" column I have put down "school" in almost every single entry. I'm glad knowing that I lived on Monroe Hall in 2005 is so terribly important to the bar examination committee. Next up: every credit card account number that I have ever held. Should be fun!
In more exciting news, Kels and I will be going to a party this coming weekend to celebrate my old roommate, David Husband, who has just gotten engaged to his girlfriend Shannan. I got to know them as a couple pretty well while David and I were living together a couple of summers ago, and I'm very happy for them both.
Today, though, I decided to be somewhat useful to my future self and start the bar application process. For various reasons, including the fact that all of my interviews (including one this Friday) tend to be there, I have decided to take the Maryland bar. I have spent the past several hours listing every address where I have ever lived, ever. In the "reasons for moving" column I have put down "school" in almost every single entry. I'm glad knowing that I lived on Monroe Hall in 2005 is so terribly important to the bar examination committee. Next up: every credit card account number that I have ever held. Should be fun!
In more exciting news, Kels and I will be going to a party this coming weekend to celebrate my old roommate, David Husband, who has just gotten engaged to his girlfriend Shannan. I got to know them as a couple pretty well while David and I were living together a couple of summers ago, and I'm very happy for them both.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
The First of the Last, or the Last of the First
I keep confusing myself as to whether this is the first week of my last semester of classes, or the last semester when I will have a first week of classes. Either way, while I was thinking of it the milestone passed.
Last Friday, at the end of my courtroom technology class, we were able to go to the judge's court and play with all of his technology. It was very impressive.
Since he is a federal judge, he gets the nice stuff.
First I have Complex Litigation, which is all about large multi-plaintiff lawsuits. Not as boring as it sounds, AND there are a few really important class action cases going in front of the Supreme Court this semester, so we get to learn it as it happens.
After Complex Litigation, I have my Supreme Court Seminar. This was my top choice class and will basically let me geek out about current term Supreme Court cases and get credit for it. Everyone in the class is responsible for understanding pretty much all of the cases, but we each get one case that we are responsible for. By "responsible for" I mean that we are in charge of prepping the judges at a moot court where the lawyer who will be arguing the case in front of the Supreme Court will test out his or her argument. My case is about whether police officers should have something called "qualified immunity" (can't be sued so long as they aren't violating clearly established law) if they shoot a suspect to end a high-speed chase. Should be fun!
Finally I have Decedents' Estates, which is basically a class about how terrible things will happen to you if you don't have a plan in place regarding your healthcare and property. Also it explains how nowadays is the best time in the past two hundred years to die if you want to create a Downton Abbey-esque estate that will last forever and be completely immune to federal taxes. Hooray for the aristocratic renaissance.
I went up to Gaithersburg today to help out my little adoptive mock trial team there, and it was so much fun to teach a little again. The kids were so smart and eager- they have no idea what they're doing but they are doing it as hard as they can, which is everything that you want from first-timers. When I demonstrated how you could frame facts differently depending on what you want a jury or judge to think they looked at me like I had just done an amazing magic trick. I'll be helping them out over the next two months as they compete in four rounds against other high schools. That's a lot of rounds, so they'll be experts by then.
I think that's everything new that's going on. The ear is healing well- it'll take a month for it to "settle" and so until then it will (hypothetically) slowly improve in hearing every day while making weird popping noises that only I can hear. I can already hear close to what I could before the surgery, so that's good. And one last thing- this past weekend was Kels's and my second anniversary! I'm sure that you can't believe she has put up with me for so long. I certainly can't, but I'm very glad she has.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
We Get It, Law is Theater
I'm taking a one-week one-credit course this week, mostly so I can take an underload of credits for the rest of this semester so that I have more time for mock trial things. On that front, I have volunteered to help a random school's mock trial team in Maryland, I have volunteered to teach a street law mock trial team every other Friday, and my own mock trial team will be competing in Puerto Rico this April. I feel like the trial director, who is very considerate, put me on the Puerto Rico trip as compensation for sending me to Detroit last semester. Another fun fact about the Puerto Rico competition is that I was able to get Palmer, my Woodberry friend who is the reason I currently attend GULC and who has been a public defender in Miami for the past two years, to be the coach for our team.
Anyway, this week one course is about how to use technology in a courtroom: computers, trial software, transcription software, monitors, remote witnesses, etc.... Beyond simply describing the technology, it goes into how to use it without getting an objection slam-dunked on you every two seconds. As with most law classes related to trial practice, every single piece of information would be equally useful in a theatrical context.
Examples:
Anyway, this week one course is about how to use technology in a courtroom: computers, trial software, transcription software, monitors, remote witnesses, etc.... Beyond simply describing the technology, it goes into how to use it without getting an objection slam-dunked on you every two seconds. As with most law classes related to trial practice, every single piece of information would be equally useful in a theatrical context.
Examples:
- Tailor your presentation for the jury/audience that you have.
- Always give the jury/audience something to look at.
- Allow the jury/audience to come away feeling like they haven't been manipulated by you, but definitely manipulate them as much as possible.
- Everything you do will make the jury/audience like you more or less, so make sure that everything you do is calculated to make them like you more.
- You must make your presentation work for both the critics/judges and the jury/audience, but if you can only win over one group, pick the jury/audience.
- Don't be flashy or use fancy technical things just because you can, only use what you need to tell a clear and compelling story.
- Don't let your witnesses/actors go up unprepared.
- For defense attorneys: Always leave them wanting more (evidence).
If I ever have the opportunity to pick some sort of assistant/technical operator for trials, I'm just going to hire a tech director.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
My Ear is Still Attached
Shortly before Christmas (which was great, but I'll post about that later) I found out that my second waiver request to the Navy was denied. They are super serious about making sure their lawyers can hear a pin dropping on a bed of pillows, because having a lawyer who just understands speech isn't good enough. So I scheduled myself an ear surgery, because when one door closes-but-not-quite-all-the-way I tend to jam my foot in the tiny opening and ram myself against it until it opens or I break something. Half-closed doors bother me intensely.
I purposefully told as few people as possible because I don't especially like people taking care of me. It's a problem I have. There was also no guarantee that it would work, or that even if it did work that it would work well enough for the Navy. Ever since I found out I had a hearing issue in my right ear, though, I have noticed it due to some sort of awareness-bias that I didn't have before, so I also wanted to get this done just so that it would stop annoying me.
Anyway, I showed up at the hospital yesterday at 8AM for my 10AM surgery. Davia and Noah were nice enough to drive me. I forced Kelsey to go to the cabin in the woods New Years celebration with some of our friends because I was not going to let her skip her vacation to take care of me. Everyone at the hospital was very nice, but things were going rather slow. This was probably because they kept confusing me with other Johnsons, as there were three of us there for surgery that day. As good as Georgetown's doctors are, their scheduling and general-awareness department has some room for improvement. After convincing them that I did not need either brain or foot surgery, I found my appropriate loading bay and sat there with an IV in my arm for what seemed like an hour or two.
I met with my anesthesiologist, my anesthesiologist's student apprentice (teaching hospital), my attending surgeon, my attending surgeon's student apprentice, my nurse, my other nurse, my third nurse, and finally my actual doctor. Apparently they had all seen the letter that my doctor had sent to the Navy as part of one of my attempts to get a waiver, and so I had the same conversation with all of them:
Doctor/Nurse: "So they still wouldn't let you in?"
Me: "No."
Doctor/Nurse: "But your hearing isn't actually bad."
Me: "I know."
Doctor/Nurse: "But you would just be doing lawyer things for them."
Me: "... I know."
Doctor/Nurse: "I don't get it."
Me: "I know."
Which is all to say that they were all very sympathetic and on my side and they all wanted this surgery to fix me up. I think that they enjoyed having a patient who wasn't in any pain at all and who didn't have any other problems- allergies, prior surgeries, medical conditions- that would make their jobs more difficult.
Anyway, my doctor knew the deal and promised to attack my ear as conservatively as possible once he figured out what was wrong. There were three options going in:
1. I had otosclerosis (a bone growth in my ear was throwing off my ear bones- very bad)
2. I had ossicular fixation (a bone got stuck somehow - less bad)
3. I had an ossicular discontinuity (two bones weren't touching - also less bad)
They hit my IV with the knockout drugs and I was gone within twenty seconds. Good job, Duke anesthesiologist. I think the last thing I said was "I appreciate that you all are doing this on New Year's Eve," which isn't the worst last thing that one can say before passing out and being in the complete control of a roomful of people with sharp instruments. When I woke up I had some mild pain in my ear, of course, and some soreness in my throat from the breathing tube that they had inserted and then taken out after the surgery.
The first thing that my doctor told me was that he had never seen what he saw in my ear. Ever. This is a guy who was referred to as "overqualified" to perform this surgery by another ENT because he had done more ear operations than you could count. So, you know, not the most comforting thing to hear. What happened was that my stapes and my incus were disconnected because they very top of my stapes had broken off... somehow. We don't understand how I was hearing anything at all beyond the possibility that one heroic fiber stretching between my stapes and incus was holding it all together. This was fixed by cementing my incus and stapes back together, sort of like an arts and crafts project. The great news about this is that the cement is the same composition as my bones and so I have no graft or prosthetic or anything like that in my ear- just extra bone connecting the bones.
I won't know whether or not it worked for another 30 days, and it all depends how the ear heals itself back together since we're dealing with such minor changes in hearing level. If it doesn't work, they can take out my stapes and replace it with titanium, but I would rather they not do that for obvious reasons. Regardless, now I can know that I did everything I possibly could to do the job that I have wanted to do for the past two years, and if it doesn't work out I can walk away from it in peace.
I purposefully told as few people as possible because I don't especially like people taking care of me. It's a problem I have. There was also no guarantee that it would work, or that even if it did work that it would work well enough for the Navy. Ever since I found out I had a hearing issue in my right ear, though, I have noticed it due to some sort of awareness-bias that I didn't have before, so I also wanted to get this done just so that it would stop annoying me.
Anyway, I showed up at the hospital yesterday at 8AM for my 10AM surgery. Davia and Noah were nice enough to drive me. I forced Kelsey to go to the cabin in the woods New Years celebration with some of our friends because I was not going to let her skip her vacation to take care of me. Everyone at the hospital was very nice, but things were going rather slow. This was probably because they kept confusing me with other Johnsons, as there were three of us there for surgery that day. As good as Georgetown's doctors are, their scheduling and general-awareness department has some room for improvement. After convincing them that I did not need either brain or foot surgery, I found my appropriate loading bay and sat there with an IV in my arm for what seemed like an hour or two.
I met with my anesthesiologist, my anesthesiologist's student apprentice (teaching hospital), my attending surgeon, my attending surgeon's student apprentice, my nurse, my other nurse, my third nurse, and finally my actual doctor. Apparently they had all seen the letter that my doctor had sent to the Navy as part of one of my attempts to get a waiver, and so I had the same conversation with all of them:
Doctor/Nurse: "So they still wouldn't let you in?"
Me: "No."
Doctor/Nurse: "But your hearing isn't actually bad."
Me: "I know."
Doctor/Nurse: "But you would just be doing lawyer things for them."
Me: "... I know."
Doctor/Nurse: "I don't get it."
Me: "I know."
Which is all to say that they were all very sympathetic and on my side and they all wanted this surgery to fix me up. I think that they enjoyed having a patient who wasn't in any pain at all and who didn't have any other problems- allergies, prior surgeries, medical conditions- that would make their jobs more difficult.
Anyway, my doctor knew the deal and promised to attack my ear as conservatively as possible once he figured out what was wrong. There were three options going in:
1. I had otosclerosis (a bone growth in my ear was throwing off my ear bones- very bad)
2. I had ossicular fixation (a bone got stuck somehow - less bad)
3. I had an ossicular discontinuity (two bones weren't touching - also less bad)
They hit my IV with the knockout drugs and I was gone within twenty seconds. Good job, Duke anesthesiologist. I think the last thing I said was "I appreciate that you all are doing this on New Year's Eve," which isn't the worst last thing that one can say before passing out and being in the complete control of a roomful of people with sharp instruments. When I woke up I had some mild pain in my ear, of course, and some soreness in my throat from the breathing tube that they had inserted and then taken out after the surgery.
The first thing that my doctor told me was that he had never seen what he saw in my ear. Ever. This is a guy who was referred to as "overqualified" to perform this surgery by another ENT because he had done more ear operations than you could count. So, you know, not the most comforting thing to hear. What happened was that my stapes and my incus were disconnected because they very top of my stapes had broken off... somehow. We don't understand how I was hearing anything at all beyond the possibility that one heroic fiber stretching between my stapes and incus was holding it all together. This was fixed by cementing my incus and stapes back together, sort of like an arts and crafts project. The great news about this is that the cement is the same composition as my bones and so I have no graft or prosthetic or anything like that in my ear- just extra bone connecting the bones.
I won't know whether or not it worked for another 30 days, and it all depends how the ear heals itself back together since we're dealing with such minor changes in hearing level. If it doesn't work, they can take out my stapes and replace it with titanium, but I would rather they not do that for obvious reasons. Regardless, now I can know that I did everything I possibly could to do the job that I have wanted to do for the past two years, and if it doesn't work out I can walk away from it in peace.
More good news- they were able to get at the problem through my ear canal and didn't have to cut my ear off and then sew it back on (that was an option and yet another reason I didn't tell many people about this).
After my surgery Noah and Davia came to pick me up and made me soup and helped me fill out my prescription for the fun kind of painkillers that make you feel irrationally invincible. Then they drove me to Josh's, where I had a laid back New Year's Eve with a bunch of people who just let me eat until I got tired, which is exactly what I needed. Then Dan and Christina drove me home. I'm feeling much better today and have stopped taking painkillers for the time being. Yay!
Monday, December 2, 2013
Boston, Thanksgiving, JoshuAID II
Well, it has been an eventful couple of weeks.
This post must begin with a debrief of the Boston trip that was much touted by Emily Goo- I mean me, of course- in my last post. I personally enjoy flying, so I had a blast on the plane with Ben and Kelsey on the way up. Kelsey was not such a huge fan of the flying, but she was a trooper and only insinuated that she was probably going to die three or four times during our hour-long flight.
We had a layover in Newark and I had some passes to Club United that I gave to Kelsey and Ben while I worked on a paper in the airport Starbucks. While working on my paper I inadvertently played with Natalie Portman's child while completely failing to realize that Natalie Portman was sitting next to me at Starbucks. I slowly put the pieces together after she left with her family but by that time it was too late. Kelsey was upset that I did not alert her to come stargazing. I was impressed with Ms. Portman's ability to go incognito as someone who looks vaguely like Natalie Portman but oh-wait-she's-wearing-mom-jeans-so-she-couldn't-be.
When we arrived in Boston Kelsey immediately fell in love with our taxi driver's accent and forgot all about the joys of small commuter propeller-planes. Goo's apartment building was beautiful and had an amazing view of the Boston skyline, and once we got there (at 2AM) she provided us with hot spiced cider and cannoli.
In the morning Kels and I went into Boston to meet up with Brandon, Luke, and Mary for lunch near Harvard. I hadn't seen any of them in a long time, but they were my rocks of competence and authority during the run of Tragedy! in NYC. We reminisced, Kelsey interrupted me far too many times while I was trying to tell the story of how we met (replacing it with revisionist history), and we experienced the best malted chocolate shake that I have ever consumed (I write consumed because I am not sure whether one eats or drinks a milkshake, nor do I care enough to find out). A delightful time was had by all.
Afterwards, we went to Kendall Square to visit with Auntie Deb and Uncle Bob. We drank tea, talked about networking, and compared dark chocolate. How very Bostonian of us?
Then it was off to Goo's to get dressed for The Hunger Games. Goo is sort of into The Hunger Games, in the way that circles are sort of into being round, and so she got costumes for all of us to wear. Since I was Caesar Flickerman when we did a Goo-written stage play of The Hunger Games last year (or two years ago, I forget), I obviously got to play that role again. Kelsey went all out as Effie Trinket, Josh was Haymitch, and Ben was Peeta. Jeff and Sara were nice enough to just go to the Hunger Games when it was Jeff's birthday and their anniversary, so they were not required to wear costumes (though Sara did have a wig). Goo was a perfect Katniss, as always. People were taking pictures with her in the theater.
Watching The Mikado with Emily's mom as Katisha
The next day we went to Emily's childhood hometown and snooped around her childhood home and ate Chinese food from her childhood Chinese food place. Now we are officially her real friends. After that we went to see her mother as Katisha in The Mikado! Ms. Gouillart's interpretation of the role was much more vulnerable and empathetic than Emily's dragon-lady performance from last year, but one could still very clearly see that the two actresses were closely related. After the performance Goo rushed us to the airport and we made our flight without any problem.
Something like three days later, it was time for Thanksgiving break. Kelsey and I hopped in the car and drove down to Warrenton, Virginia to have thanksgiving with her family. I got to hang out with her sister's boyfriend and new baby, and had a very relaxing time.
I also got to hang out with Kelsey's step-sister's daughters. I tried to teach her about rocketry and crypto-currencies but she just wanted to play board games. Kids these days.
.JPG)
On the way back from Thanksgiving we met up with my mom and sister for lunch!
The next day, Saturday, was JoshuAid 2. You may recall that Josh moved last year....
Remember?
Well, Josh is a jerk so he moved again.
Thanks, Josh.
He also moved to the third floor of a building with no elevator, so we had to bucket-brigade much of the stuff.
An excellent concept, but probably just as tiring as taking things up one at a time.
Josh is now moved in, and I have one week until exams. I had my last day interning at the superior court today, and I went to sit in on a pro se (defendant defends himself) murder trial. Things did not seem to be going well for the defendant, especially after he asked the arresting officer to point out footage of the defendant throwing a punch and the officer simply pointed at a screen, hit play, and said "there" as the defendant threw a punch in full view of a security camera. Rule #1 of cross-examination: never ask a question if you aren't 100% sure of the answer.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Normal Post Reflecting on Cabaret. Certainly Not a Guest Post from Emily Goo.
[but if it were a guest post from Emily Goo, I would say as always that, to my most assuredly great future remorse, I have not edited it in the least]
Hi again everyone. It's me again, your friend Mike Johnson. I am definitely taking the time to sit down and write this blog post again. In no way have I outsourced this responsibility to my dear friend and past guest blogger Emily Goo, who, while we're on the subject, is literally the coolest person who has ever existed in the whole of human history. Don't you agree? Of course you do. It is proven. It is meant.
So, since I, Mike, am writing this post, and definitely not Emily Goo, paragon of greatness, I will totally write a few more details about this past show week with perfect knowledge and recall, because after all, it was I, Mike, who lived through those things, so of course I would know exactly what I got up to all week. It was like this, you see:
SUNDAY:
On Sunday, I probably slept in kind of late, unless Kelsey woke me up and encouraged me to go for a run, which I did so that I could smile at all the jealous-looking guys passing by who were staring at Kelsey and then stop for just a moment to whisper "That's right. She's with me." In the evening, I can only assume that I went to a cue-to-cue or tech rehearsal of some kind for Cabaret. It is very safe to assume that I effectively sang about pineapples, and made two endearingly awkward dance errors, for such is my aw-shucks charm that keeps my friends' mothers all across this nation asking their children, "How is your friend Mike? He is just such a lovely guy. Send him my best."
MONDAY:
I probably went to class, because I am responsible, but with a slight glaze in my eyes because show week sleep deprivation was already creeping in. I definitely wielded a few overenthusiastic GChats from Emily Goo, who, in case I failed to mention before, is the absolute cat's pajamas and whose formidable intellect is rivaled only by her razor-sharp wit. Maybe I dozed off a little bit in class, but when the professor called on me, I of course knew exactly what to say because I'm Mike Johnson. I always can at least sound like I know what I'm doing, gentle reader. Never forget this. In the evening, I went to our first dress rehearsal and probably did the costume parade, at which I debuted my comical hairpiece, mustache, and old-German-dude suit replete with sweater vest and garish bow tie. Through the wizardry of costume designer...
(please hold while I definitely don't have to check the program, because I'm Mike Johnson after all, I'm in the show, so why would I need to confirm the costume designer?)
...Liz Ennis, the affable WASPy Mike you've come to know and love so well was transformed into an elderly Jew from the past. It is a safe bet that at some point, Justine McClain, my stage fiancée, spanked me without warning and shockingly hard. This likely occurred right after our tender love ballad about tropical fruit. Justine McClain suffers from a rare affliction known as Compulsive SlapAss. An educational video about this condition can be found here.
TUESDAY:
I definitely did some more stuff on Tuesday! Class probably? Maybe worked at the library? Fed Rupert, the cat, who once joined forces with our house's upstairs cat to torment Emily Goo while she was stuck alone in my house in an incident she still has not recovered from (freaking cat)? Then in the evening was the final dress rehearsal! I am sure I exchanged some snarky, manly words with my friend Dan Snow. I am sure I gave a big hug to my beloved friend Abigail "Absi" Fine, who is finally in DC and who I'm privileged to share a stage with again. (I'm pretty sure, being Mike Johnson and having lived my own life, that Absi and I have been onstage before. My friend Emily Goo might not be 100% sure of that. But that's irrelevant, because Emily Goo is definitely not writing this post.) I am sure my adrenaline was very high as I watched the show come together to perfection. I am sure I felt slightly uncomfortable when I went to kiss Kelsey backstage, because I was dressed as a grinning lonely old man and she was dressed as a young sultry temptress and the effect was beyond lecherous. But whatever, you try turning down the chance to make out with Kelsey. Fortunately, I am Mike Johnson, so I don't ever have to do that!
Wednesday:
OPENING NIGHT! There was a day that happened before opening night, so I probably did some law stuff -- you know, tort reform, some kind of litigation, mock trials and such things? Whatever. It was OPENING NIGHT.
While I was disappointed that my friend Emily Goo was not able to come for opening night, it is the consensus of pretty much everyone that the performance was a stunning success. I definitely want to give you a lot of details about the performance, because after all, I'm Mike Johnson and I was there! I am qualified to do that! So wait right here, I'll be right back to get you those firsthand details of opening night. Wait a minute, what's this in my pocket? Oh look! It's Dr. Who's Sonic Screwdriver! BOOM! Oh, hey, you're back. What were we talking about, you ask? I had just finished giving you alll the details about Wednesday night's performance! Then we went to The Goat for the opening night party, because we always do that! I am sure someone sang some karaoke and at least one person got ridiculously drunk! Some people had french fries. The mood was high and nobody wanted to go to bed and have this triumphant night end.
Thursday:
SECOND NIGHT OF CABARET! Nearly as importantly, Emily Goo arrived in DC that afternoon. My mother and maternal grandmother were coming to the show and invited me to join them for a quick drink before call. Obviously, when I arrived, I found my mother, maternal grandmother, sitting at a table sipping cocktails and laughing with...Emily Goo. Obviously. Because parents love Emily Goo and Emily Goo loves parents. Especially my mom. And...well...I think she's got all my grandparents wrapped up too. I gave Goo a hug, posed for a silly picture with her, and off I went to call.
It is safe to assume that my cherished friend and unofficial housemate Sara Collins assisted me in putting on my old man makeup, and anytime I asked a clarifying question, she told me that "I was the worst" and pushed my face.
I did an absolutely wonderful job on Thursday night. I know this because Emily Goo screeched with delight like some kind of rabid forest creature anytime I said or did anything impressive or funny. I was particularly effective during Justine's and my infamous pineapple song, at which point Emily Goo could be heard from the audience yelping "Is that a PINEAPPLE? WHY IS THERE A PINEAPPLE?" I played it cool and did not break character, not even when Emily Goo loudly yelled an expletive during the dramatic reveal of Josh's character's swastika insignia. I am an excellent actor.
Seriously, though, my performance was poignant, soulful, funny, and virtually flawless. I was the most endearing old Jewish man you've ever imagined and sometimes I made audience members tear up. Definitely not Emily Goo. She was probably just cutting onions. Emily Goo does not cry; she is too mighty.
After the show and receiving my enthusiastic tackle from Emily Goo, we adjourned to Josh's house for an epic post-show party. Highlights include:
- Xander screwing up the Christmas light display and leaving it in a sorry heap on the floor. HE HAD ONE JOB.
- Josh demonstrating his uncomfortably sensual lip dub to "Maybe This Time."
- Watching Emily Goo's face fall when she learned that her Internet best friend and, if you ask some gullible people (HI, AMY RENO!), her cousin Michael van Maele was perfect in every way except for being a vegan. Don't worry, the relationship was saved.
FRIDAY:
I joined Emily Goo, Sara, Jeff, Justine, Davia and Noah for lunch at Wiseguy Pizza where I fraped her with too much sriracha sauce on her pizza and watched as the contents of her already impaired sinuses (she was getting over some kind of walking pneumonia death thing) emptied out onto the sidewalk of Washington DC. Then I went back to work because I am boring even though the rest of them all hung out for several more hours and missed me terribly.
Friday night was far and away our best performance of Cabaret. The energy was high, everyone seemed totally lost in their characters, all the fancy effects went off without a hitch, and the music -- both orchestra- and vocalist-wise -- was impeccable. Emily Goo could be seen in the second row convulsing with joy. This may just be because she had a great view up the Kit Kat Girls' skirts, though. Very difficult to tell.
After that performance, we went to a wonderful and always-uberclassy party at Dania and Bogo's house. This was officially the formal party, but frankly, any party at Dania and Bogo's house is a formal party, because the two of them are JUST THAT CLASSY. The party featured gobs of delicious food and drink, beautifully dressed people everywhere you turned, whimsical and improbable social situations, and Ben's friend Mike Ottaviano, who Emily Goo was strangely confrontational to. I'm sure there's an explanation. She doesn't want to talk about it. It was a great time.
SATURDAY:
My paternal grandparents came to town! We had lunch at the Argonaut, I think? Yeah, the Argonaut. It was great to see them.
Saturday's performance went fantastically. I am sure I experienced many emotions as I sang each song and performed each scene for the last time. I am sure I contemplated how much I would miss drunkenly rambling about schnapps to my dear friend Josh Litten. I am sure I thought about how I never expected to feel so emotionally attached to a pineapple.
The cast party was in Gewirz 12, as ever, also known as Emily Goo's former unofficial residence on the GULC campus. (As to the allegations that she has slept in G12 more than five times, I challenge you to prove anything.) I got my tech prize for serving on the following crew. Please talk amongst yourselves while I stretch my arms out. I'm definitely not reaching for the program again to see what crew I am on.
Set! Obviously. I am great at sets. And I did a great job with the Cabaret one, by the way, under the supervision of my crew head, roommate, landlord, and close friend Jeff Asjes. I think Jeff probably gave me a piece of the set that said something in cursive? I totally remember, because I'm me and I experienced it.
SUNDAY:
The next day was strike, during which I probably pulled apart and destroyed lots of things I worked very hard to create without complaining, and then probably dinner at Five Guys because tradition, and with that, one of GG&SS' best shows in the past 3 years -- if not the best -- was over. Emily Goo was gone by then, but left a legacy of greatness and gratitude for her devotion in attending 3 out of the 4 performances and matching, if not exceeding, her genuine enthusiasm on each subsequent night.
This week and weekend, I'll probably sleep as much as possible, except for a "low-key gathering" of about 50 people that's being arranged for this Friday involving peppermint schnapps and chocolate.
Next weekend, Kelsey, Josh, Sara, Jeff, Ben and I all fly to Boston to visit Emily Goo's swanky new place for the first time, see her mother in The Mikado, tour her childhood home, and of course, go to the premiere of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire in full costume. Because THAT is how respectable adults behave.
So in short: Cabaret was awesome, I am definitely Mike Johnson and not Emily Goo, and I discourage follow-up questions on the identity of this post's author. YAY CABARET!
Hi again everyone. It's me again, your friend Mike Johnson. I am definitely taking the time to sit down and write this blog post again. In no way have I outsourced this responsibility to my dear friend and past guest blogger Emily Goo, who, while we're on the subject, is literally the coolest person who has ever existed in the whole of human history. Don't you agree? Of course you do. It is proven. It is meant.
So, since I, Mike, am writing this post, and definitely not Emily Goo, paragon of greatness, I will totally write a few more details about this past show week with perfect knowledge and recall, because after all, it was I, Mike, who lived through those things, so of course I would know exactly what I got up to all week. It was like this, you see:
SUNDAY:
On Sunday, I probably slept in kind of late, unless Kelsey woke me up and encouraged me to go for a run, which I did so that I could smile at all the jealous-looking guys passing by who were staring at Kelsey and then stop for just a moment to whisper "That's right. She's with me." In the evening, I can only assume that I went to a cue-to-cue or tech rehearsal of some kind for Cabaret. It is very safe to assume that I effectively sang about pineapples, and made two endearingly awkward dance errors, for such is my aw-shucks charm that keeps my friends' mothers all across this nation asking their children, "How is your friend Mike? He is just such a lovely guy. Send him my best."
MONDAY:
I probably went to class, because I am responsible, but with a slight glaze in my eyes because show week sleep deprivation was already creeping in. I definitely wielded a few overenthusiastic GChats from Emily Goo, who, in case I failed to mention before, is the absolute cat's pajamas and whose formidable intellect is rivaled only by her razor-sharp wit. Maybe I dozed off a little bit in class, but when the professor called on me, I of course knew exactly what to say because I'm Mike Johnson. I always can at least sound like I know what I'm doing, gentle reader. Never forget this. In the evening, I went to our first dress rehearsal and probably did the costume parade, at which I debuted my comical hairpiece, mustache, and old-German-dude suit replete with sweater vest and garish bow tie. Through the wizardry of costume designer...
(please hold while I definitely don't have to check the program, because I'm Mike Johnson after all, I'm in the show, so why would I need to confirm the costume designer?)
...Liz Ennis, the affable WASPy Mike you've come to know and love so well was transformed into an elderly Jew from the past. It is a safe bet that at some point, Justine McClain, my stage fiancée, spanked me without warning and shockingly hard. This likely occurred right after our tender love ballad about tropical fruit. Justine McClain suffers from a rare affliction known as Compulsive SlapAss. An educational video about this condition can be found here.
TUESDAY:
I definitely did some more stuff on Tuesday! Class probably? Maybe worked at the library? Fed Rupert, the cat, who once joined forces with our house's upstairs cat to torment Emily Goo while she was stuck alone in my house in an incident she still has not recovered from (freaking cat)? Then in the evening was the final dress rehearsal! I am sure I exchanged some snarky, manly words with my friend Dan Snow. I am sure I gave a big hug to my beloved friend Abigail "Absi" Fine, who is finally in DC and who I'm privileged to share a stage with again. (I'm pretty sure, being Mike Johnson and having lived my own life, that Absi and I have been onstage before. My friend Emily Goo might not be 100% sure of that. But that's irrelevant, because Emily Goo is definitely not writing this post.) I am sure my adrenaline was very high as I watched the show come together to perfection. I am sure I felt slightly uncomfortable when I went to kiss Kelsey backstage, because I was dressed as a grinning lonely old man and she was dressed as a young sultry temptress and the effect was beyond lecherous. But whatever, you try turning down the chance to make out with Kelsey. Fortunately, I am Mike Johnson, so I don't ever have to do that!
Wednesday:
OPENING NIGHT! There was a day that happened before opening night, so I probably did some law stuff -- you know, tort reform, some kind of litigation, mock trials and such things? Whatever. It was OPENING NIGHT.
While I was disappointed that my friend Emily Goo was not able to come for opening night, it is the consensus of pretty much everyone that the performance was a stunning success. I definitely want to give you a lot of details about the performance, because after all, I'm Mike Johnson and I was there! I am qualified to do that! So wait right here, I'll be right back to get you those firsthand details of opening night. Wait a minute, what's this in my pocket? Oh look! It's Dr. Who's Sonic Screwdriver! BOOM! Oh, hey, you're back. What were we talking about, you ask? I had just finished giving you alll the details about Wednesday night's performance! Then we went to The Goat for the opening night party, because we always do that! I am sure someone sang some karaoke and at least one person got ridiculously drunk! Some people had french fries. The mood was high and nobody wanted to go to bed and have this triumphant night end.
Thursday:
SECOND NIGHT OF CABARET! Nearly as importantly, Emily Goo arrived in DC that afternoon. My mother and maternal grandmother were coming to the show and invited me to join them for a quick drink before call. Obviously, when I arrived, I found my mother, maternal grandmother, sitting at a table sipping cocktails and laughing with...Emily Goo. Obviously. Because parents love Emily Goo and Emily Goo loves parents. Especially my mom. And...well...I think she's got all my grandparents wrapped up too. I gave Goo a hug, posed for a silly picture with her, and off I went to call.
Token picture of me & Goo.
I did an absolutely wonderful job on Thursday night. I know this because Emily Goo screeched with delight like some kind of rabid forest creature anytime I said or did anything impressive or funny. I was particularly effective during Justine's and my infamous pineapple song, at which point Emily Goo could be heard from the audience yelping "Is that a PINEAPPLE? WHY IS THERE A PINEAPPLE?" I played it cool and did not break character, not even when Emily Goo loudly yelled an expletive during the dramatic reveal of Josh's character's swastika insignia. I am an excellent actor.
Seriously, though, my performance was poignant, soulful, funny, and virtually flawless. I was the most endearing old Jewish man you've ever imagined and sometimes I made audience members tear up. Definitely not Emily Goo. She was probably just cutting onions. Emily Goo does not cry; she is too mighty.
After the show and receiving my enthusiastic tackle from Emily Goo, we adjourned to Josh's house for an epic post-show party. Highlights include:
- Xander screwing up the Christmas light display and leaving it in a sorry heap on the floor. HE HAD ONE JOB.
- Josh demonstrating his uncomfortably sensual lip dub to "Maybe This Time."
- Watching Emily Goo's face fall when she learned that her Internet best friend and, if you ask some gullible people (HI, AMY RENO!), her cousin Michael van Maele was perfect in every way except for being a vegan. Don't worry, the relationship was saved.
FRIDAY:
I joined Emily Goo, Sara, Jeff, Justine, Davia and Noah for lunch at Wiseguy Pizza where I fraped her with too much sriracha sauce on her pizza and watched as the contents of her already impaired sinuses (she was getting over some kind of walking pneumonia death thing) emptied out onto the sidewalk of Washington DC. Then I went back to work because I am boring even though the rest of them all hung out for several more hours and missed me terribly.
Friday night was far and away our best performance of Cabaret. The energy was high, everyone seemed totally lost in their characters, all the fancy effects went off without a hitch, and the music -- both orchestra- and vocalist-wise -- was impeccable. Emily Goo could be seen in the second row convulsing with joy. This may just be because she had a great view up the Kit Kat Girls' skirts, though. Very difficult to tell.
After that performance, we went to a wonderful and always-uberclassy party at Dania and Bogo's house. This was officially the formal party, but frankly, any party at Dania and Bogo's house is a formal party, because the two of them are JUST THAT CLASSY. The party featured gobs of delicious food and drink, beautifully dressed people everywhere you turned, whimsical and improbable social situations, and Ben's friend Mike Ottaviano, who Emily Goo was strangely confrontational to. I'm sure there's an explanation. She doesn't want to talk about it. It was a great time.
SATURDAY:
My paternal grandparents came to town! We had lunch at the Argonaut, I think? Yeah, the Argonaut. It was great to see them.
Saturday's performance went fantastically. I am sure I experienced many emotions as I sang each song and performed each scene for the last time. I am sure I contemplated how much I would miss drunkenly rambling about schnapps to my dear friend Josh Litten. I am sure I thought about how I never expected to feel so emotionally attached to a pineapple.
The cast party was in Gewirz 12, as ever, also known as Emily Goo's former unofficial residence on the GULC campus. (As to the allegations that she has slept in G12 more than five times, I challenge you to prove anything.) I got my tech prize for serving on the following crew. Please talk amongst yourselves while I stretch my arms out. I'm definitely not reaching for the program again to see what crew I am on.
Set! Obviously. I am great at sets. And I did a great job with the Cabaret one, by the way, under the supervision of my crew head, roommate, landlord, and close friend Jeff Asjes. I think Jeff probably gave me a piece of the set that said something in cursive? I totally remember, because I'm me and I experienced it.
SUNDAY:
The next day was strike, during which I probably pulled apart and destroyed lots of things I worked very hard to create without complaining, and then probably dinner at Five Guys because tradition, and with that, one of GG&SS' best shows in the past 3 years -- if not the best -- was over. Emily Goo was gone by then, but left a legacy of greatness and gratitude for her devotion in attending 3 out of the 4 performances and matching, if not exceeding, her genuine enthusiasm on each subsequent night.
This week and weekend, I'll probably sleep as much as possible, except for a "low-key gathering" of about 50 people that's being arranged for this Friday involving peppermint schnapps and chocolate.
Next weekend, Kelsey, Josh, Sara, Jeff, Ben and I all fly to Boston to visit Emily Goo's swanky new place for the first time, see her mother in The Mikado, tour her childhood home, and of course, go to the premiere of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire in full costume. Because THAT is how respectable adults behave.
So in short: Cabaret was awesome, I am definitely Mike Johnson and not Emily Goo, and I discourage follow-up questions on the identity of this post's author. YAY CABARET!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)