Normal Post Reflecting on Cabaret. Certainly Not a Guest Post from Emily Goo.

[but if it were a guest post from Emily Goo, I would say as always that, to my most assuredly great future remorse, I have not edited it in the least]

 Hi again everyone. It's me again, your friend Mike Johnson. I am definitely taking the time to sit down and write this blog post again. In no way have I outsourced this responsibility to my dear friend and past guest blogger Emily Goo, who, while we're on the subject, is literally the coolest person who has ever existed in the whole of human history. Don't you agree? Of course you do. It is proven. It is meant.

 So, since I, Mike, am writing this post, and definitely not Emily Goo, paragon of greatness, I will totally write a few more details about this past show week with perfect knowledge and recall, because after all, it was I, Mike, who lived through those things, so of course I would know exactly what I got up to all week. It was like this, you see:

 SUNDAY:
On Sunday, I probably slept in kind of late, unless Kelsey woke me up and encouraged me to go for a run, which I did so that I could smile at all the jealous-looking guys passing by who were staring at Kelsey and then stop for just a moment to whisper "That's right. She's with me." In the evening, I can only assume that I went to a cue-to-cue or tech rehearsal of some kind for Cabaret. It is very safe to assume that I effectively sang about pineapples, and made two endearingly awkward dance errors, for such is my aw-shucks charm that keeps my friends' mothers all across this nation asking their children, "How is your friend Mike? He is just such a lovely guy. Send him my best."

MONDAY:
I probably went to class, because I am responsible, but with a slight glaze in my eyes because show week sleep deprivation was already creeping in. I definitely wielded a few overenthusiastic GChats from Emily Goo, who, in case I failed to mention before, is the absolute cat's pajamas and whose formidable intellect is rivaled only by her razor-sharp wit. Maybe I dozed off a little bit in class, but when the professor called on me, I of course knew exactly what to say because I'm Mike Johnson. I always can at least sound like I know what I'm doing, gentle reader. Never forget this. In the evening, I went to our first dress rehearsal and probably did the costume parade, at which I debuted my comical hairpiece, mustache, and old-German-dude suit replete with sweater vest and garish bow tie. Through the wizardry of costume designer...

(please hold while I definitely don't have to check the program, because I'm Mike Johnson after all, I'm in the show, so why would I need to confirm the costume designer?)

 ...Liz Ennis, the affable WASPy Mike you've come to know and love so well was transformed into an elderly Jew from the past. It is a safe bet that at some point, Justine McClain, my stage fiancée, spanked me without warning and shockingly hard. This likely occurred right after our tender love ballad about tropical fruit. Justine McClain suffers from a rare affliction known as Compulsive SlapAss. An educational video about this condition can be found here.

TUESDAY:
I definitely did some more stuff on Tuesday! Class probably? Maybe worked at the library? Fed Rupert, the cat, who once joined forces with our house's upstairs cat to torment Emily Goo while she was stuck alone in my house in an incident she still has not recovered from (freaking cat)? Then in the evening was the final dress rehearsal! I am sure I exchanged some snarky, manly words with my friend Dan Snow. I am sure I gave a big hug to my beloved friend Abigail "Absi" Fine, who is finally in DC and who I'm privileged to share a stage with again. (I'm pretty sure, being Mike Johnson and having lived my own life, that Absi and I have been onstage before. My friend Emily Goo might not be 100% sure of that. But that's irrelevant, because Emily Goo is definitely not writing this post.) I am sure my adrenaline was very high as I watched the show come together to perfection. I am sure I felt slightly uncomfortable when I went to kiss Kelsey backstage, because I was dressed as a grinning lonely old man and she was dressed as a young sultry temptress and the effect was beyond lecherous. But whatever, you try turning down the chance to make out with Kelsey. Fortunately, I am Mike Johnson, so I don't ever have to do that!

 Wednesday:

OPENING NIGHT! There was a day that happened before opening night, so I probably did some law stuff -- you know, tort reform, some kind of litigation, mock trials and such things? Whatever. It was OPENING NIGHT.

While I was disappointed that my friend Emily Goo was not able to come for opening night, it is the consensus of pretty much everyone that the performance was a stunning success. I definitely want to give you a lot of details about the performance, because after all, I'm Mike Johnson and I was there! I am qualified to do that! So wait right here, I'll be right back to get you those firsthand details of opening night. Wait a minute, what's this in my pocket? Oh look! It's Dr. Who's Sonic Screwdriver! BOOM! Oh, hey, you're back. What were we talking about, you ask? I had just finished giving you alll the details about Wednesday night's performance! Then we went to The Goat for the opening night party, because we always do that! I am sure someone sang some karaoke and at least one person got ridiculously drunk! Some people had french fries. The mood was high and nobody wanted to go to bed and have this triumphant night end.

Thursday:
SECOND NIGHT OF CABARET! Nearly as importantly, Emily Goo arrived in DC that afternoon. My mother and maternal grandmother were coming to the show and invited me to join them for a quick drink before call. Obviously, when I arrived, I found my mother, maternal grandmother, sitting at a table sipping cocktails and laughing with...Emily Goo. Obviously. Because parents love Emily Goo and Emily Goo loves parents. Especially my mom. And...well...I think she's got all my grandparents wrapped up too. I gave Goo a hug, posed for a silly picture with her, and off I went to call.

Token picture of me & Goo. 

It is safe to assume that my cherished friend and unofficial housemate Sara Collins assisted me in putting on my old man makeup, and anytime I asked a clarifying question, she told me that "I was the worst" and pushed my face.

I did an absolutely wonderful job on Thursday night. I know this because Emily Goo screeched with delight like some kind of rabid forest creature anytime I said or did anything impressive or funny. I was particularly effective during Justine's and my infamous pineapple song, at which point Emily Goo could be heard from the audience yelping "Is that a PINEAPPLE? WHY IS THERE A PINEAPPLE?" I played it cool and did not break character, not even when Emily Goo loudly yelled an expletive during the dramatic reveal of Josh's character's swastika insignia. I am an excellent actor.

Seriously, though, my performance was poignant, soulful, funny, and virtually flawless. I was the most endearing old Jewish man you've ever imagined and sometimes I made audience members tear up. Definitely not Emily Goo. She was probably just cutting onions. Emily Goo does not cry; she is too mighty.

After the show and receiving my enthusiastic tackle from Emily Goo, we adjourned to Josh's house for an epic post-show party. Highlights include:
- Xander screwing up the Christmas light display and leaving it in a sorry heap on the floor. HE HAD ONE JOB.
- Josh demonstrating his uncomfortably sensual lip dub to "Maybe This Time."
- Watching Emily Goo's face fall when she learned that her Internet best friend and, if you ask some gullible people (HI, AMY RENO!), her cousin Michael van Maele was perfect in every way except for being a vegan. Don't worry, the relationship was saved.

FRIDAY:
I joined Emily Goo, Sara, Jeff, Justine, Davia and Noah for lunch at Wiseguy Pizza where I fraped her with too much sriracha sauce on her pizza and watched as the contents of her already impaired sinuses (she was getting over some kind of walking pneumonia death thing) emptied out onto the sidewalk of Washington DC. Then I went back to work because I am boring even though the rest of them all hung out for several more hours and missed me terribly.

Friday night was far and away our best performance of Cabaret. The energy was high, everyone seemed totally lost in their characters, all the fancy effects went off without a hitch, and the music -- both orchestra- and vocalist-wise -- was impeccable. Emily Goo could be seen in the second row convulsing with joy. This may just be because she had a great view up the Kit Kat Girls' skirts, though. Very difficult to tell.

After that performance, we went to a wonderful and always-uberclassy party at Dania and Bogo's house. This was officially the formal party, but frankly, any party at Dania and Bogo's house is a formal party, because the two of them are JUST THAT CLASSY. The party featured gobs of delicious food and drink, beautifully dressed people everywhere you turned, whimsical and improbable social situations, and Ben's friend Mike Ottaviano, who Emily Goo was strangely confrontational to. I'm sure there's an explanation. She doesn't want to talk about it. It was a great time.

SATURDAY:

My paternal grandparents came to town! We had lunch at the Argonaut, I think? Yeah, the Argonaut. It was great to see them.

Saturday's performance went fantastically. I am sure I experienced many emotions as I sang each song and performed each scene for the last time. I am sure I contemplated how much I would miss drunkenly rambling about schnapps to my dear friend Josh Litten. I am sure I thought about how I never expected to feel so emotionally attached to a pineapple.

The cast party was in Gewirz 12, as ever, also known as Emily Goo's former unofficial residence on the GULC campus. (As to the allegations that she has slept in G12 more than five times, I challenge you to prove anything.) I got my tech prize for serving on the following crew. Please talk amongst yourselves while I stretch my arms out. I'm definitely not reaching for the program again to see what crew I am on.

Set! Obviously. I am great at sets. And I did a great job with the Cabaret one, by the way, under the supervision of my crew head, roommate, landlord, and close friend Jeff Asjes. I think Jeff probably gave me a piece of the set that said something in cursive? I totally remember, because I'm me and I experienced it.

SUNDAY:
The next day was strike, during which I probably pulled apart and destroyed lots of things I worked very hard to create without complaining, and then probably dinner at Five Guys because tradition, and with that, one of GG&SS' best shows in the past 3 years -- if not the best -- was over. Emily Goo was gone by then, but left a legacy of greatness and gratitude for her devotion in attending 3 out of the 4 performances and matching, if not exceeding, her genuine enthusiasm on each subsequent night.

This week and weekend, I'll probably sleep as much as possible, except for a "low-key gathering" of about 50 people that's being arranged for this Friday involving peppermint schnapps and chocolate. 

Next weekend, Kelsey, Josh, Sara, Jeff, Ben and I all fly to Boston to visit Emily Goo's swanky new place for the first time, see her mother in The Mikado, tour her childhood home, and of course, go to the premiere of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire in full costume. Because THAT is how respectable adults behave.

So in short: Cabaret was awesome, I am definitely Mike Johnson and not Emily Goo, and I discourage follow-up questions on the identity of this post's author. YAY CABARET!