In Which I Do a Hack Job of Research

So my friend Tyler Brown posed a hypothetical earlier today.  As a law student, I'm legally obligated to take all hypothetical questions as seriously as possible.  Here's what he asked:

"If two people in Florida 'Stand Their Ground' against each other, is it a legally sanctioned duel?"

I jokingly said sure, even though in my heart I knew that the answer was certainly no.  There are bound to be old laws on the books that prevent dueling, and even if not a duel would be unjustified homicide.  Right?  

There has been a lot of news about the Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law lately due to the Trayvon Martin shooting.  There are plenty of people addressing that case very heatedly and I have nothing new to add to that conversation so I'm not going to try.  I'm going to talk about how I obsessively researched what should have been a very silly hypothetical question.  

Let's start with history, which I will provide absolutely no citations for because I'm writing a blog post and not an academic paper and you can just trust me that I got it 95% correct.

American self-defense law descends from English common law, which is no great surprise.  It was codified as a means of ensuring the rule of law and to discourage self-help remedies.  Run away if you can and let the authorities handle it.  A self-defense law that was too lenient, it was thought, might lead people to mistake a right to defense for a right to kill.  From that thought came the "retreat to the wall" requirement, which requires someone being threatened to retreat as far as possible from an opponent before using self-defense.  The idea was that your back had to (literally) be against a wall in order to justify killing another for any excusable reason.  That, at least, is how they did it in England.

America had this general idea on the books for a while, but with the expansion out West in the 1800's more and more courts started saying "meh" to the "retreat to the wall" doctrine.  There were a few other concepts swimming around, including one called the "True Man," test for self-defense.  That one sort of sums up everything we conventionally feel about the Old West.  In the 20th century this general trend continued and most states did away with the duty to retreat.  Florida was actually sort of late to the game in that regard, though they were one of the first to codify it in such an uncompromising way.  Here is the relevant text (It's section 776.012 of their code, if you care) :

"...a person is justified in the use of deadly force and does not have a duty to retreat if:
...He or she reasonably believes that such force is necessary to prevent imminent death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another..."

The major thing the 2005 "Stand Your Ground" amendment did for this section was to insert the phrase "and does not have a duty to retreat."  

But what does this have to do with dueling?  Imagine that you and a friend (well, someone who used to be your friend) want to have a duel.  It's going to be with guns, because you're classy.  You both have permits for the guns.  You stand twenty paces apart and then have a standoff.  One of you- it's hard to tell who because you're both such excellent gunslingers- pulls his or her gun.  From your point of view, the other has pulled his or her gun and imminent death or great bodily harm to you is certain unless you shoot them with your gun first.  You win.  When the police arrive, it will be clear from the physical evidence that they had a gun and that it was likely pointed at you.  You had no duty to retreat.  You have just fought a legal duel and have complete immunity from any criminal or civil charges relating to the homicide. 


One of the representatives who voted against this bill actually brought up the dueling issue.  No really, he stood up and said "[this bill] legalizes dueling."  


But that's silly, certainly.  The hypothetical, the state representative... it's a hyperbolic joke, right?  As I said up top, there must an old statute on books that makes it illegal to duel and would, as such, trump what, admittedly, looks like an excuse to pull an Aaron Burr on someone.  And there was.  From what I can tell, it was repealed in 1974.  I scoured the Florida code in vain for its replacement.  


I found plenty of anti-dueling statutes still on the books in other states.  Montana, New Mexico, Kentucky.  There are even some extra statutes that make it a crime to belittle someone for being a coward in refusing to fight a duel.  Long story short, in most states if you kill someone in a duel you are going to be charged with first degree murder.  But not in Florida.  I searched Westlaw.  I checked Lexis.  I even went to the Florida legislature's website.  No law against dueling.  That, along with the phrasing of the justifiable homicide section, leads me to my answer to Tyler's hypothetical question from earlier today:

Yes Tyler, a strict  and likely unrealistic reading of all the sources at hand implies that it is theoretically not illegal to duel someone in Florida, with the caveat that you should probably kill them so that they can't claim that you were threatening them as well.

Thanks, Tyler.  That was an enormous waste of my day.

Happy Hunger Games

Four days ago was the one year anniversary of the day that I found out I got into law school.  Specifically this law school.  Specifically the only one I applied for because I did the whole process in the exact opposite way that one is supposed to go about it.  That's okay though, it worked out.  I had no clue, at the time, what was in store for me.  I knew it would be an adventure, though.

Even as things are getting more and more difficult, I'm recognizing that certain aspects of law school that I once saw as extremely difficult are becoming secondhand.  Just this morning I completed a three page problem set in twenty minutes.  It would have taken me at least three hours at the start of the year.  I sort of know what I'm looking for when delving into the often War and Peace length opinions and legislative histories and and treatises.  This doesn't make me feel any better about upcoming exams, which are sure to be brutal, but it's nice to feel as though I have gained some semblance of new skills.

Today is extremely exciting because I get to be an enormous nerd with many of my friends here and go see The Hunger Games.  I read the books last year and loved them, even though they are technically written for teenagers.  Whatever- I read legal opinions all day, I'm allowed to go down a few grade levels for my pleasure reading.  Lucky for me, my friends here are similarly inclined.  This past Sunday we even did a dramatic staged reading, written and coordinated by the one and only Emily Goo.  As Ben put it: "This is the nerdiest thing I have ever done, and I've LARPed" (LARP stands for live action role playing- you go out into the woods and pretend to be knights and wizards and have battles with fake weapons.  It is extremely nerdy.)  

I was Caesar Flickerman, or as Josh and Stephanie put it: "White Oprah."

Maia as Effie, Ben as Peeta, and Goo as Katniss

Spoiler Alert: Davia's character died and then Goo sang her a Taylor Swift song.   Like we do.

No amount of written justification is going to make the aforementioned exercise seem any less weird for a bunch of people in their mid-20's to do, so I won't try.  We had a lot of fun.  In addition to going to the premier of the movie tonight with these people, I'm going to go see it again tomorrow with Kelsey and her friends, because I am a superfan and will not be sated with just one screening.  In between those two things, I'm going with my Innocence Project group to go visit our client for the first time- very exciting.

Also, last week I got to hear Justice Sotomayor speak.  She was pretty awesome, but I wanted to talk about the Hunger Games first.  Shows you where my priorities are.  

Where Are We Now? (part 2)- Guestblogged by Davia

First of all, let me just say I am super excited Mike is letting me guest blog the spring break part two post. I'm honored. Mike is probably terrified. (Editor's note: Yes.)  

Anyway, I've been putting if off for a little while because a) I needed a break after returning from spring break and b) the whole "law school" thing and its accompanying work got in the way.  (Editor's note: Yes.)

Where we left off in the story, Kelsey surprised Mike by being in DC when we returned from New York, which was awesome. It also made Monday morning a lot easier, because we weren't going to have to transfer cars in Virginia. Kelsey, Mike, Brian, Ben, and I all piled into Kelsey's car and got on the road. Mike and Brian made mix CDs (yes, actual CDs) for the ride. Mike's was an epic mix of all types of epic music, and Brian's were a kind of best-of tour of musical theater. Considering the group of us, perfect. 

About an hour into our drive we hit some snow. And then some more snow. And then before we knew it there was a full-on blizzard. I was kind of shocked (snow? on spring break??), and then amused, as Kelsey regaled us with the story of how the last time Mike drove her car, they also ran into a blizzard. It continued snowing for awhile but the farther south we got, the more it cleared up. Huzzah!

Along the way, we stopped at Wa Wa (apparently some type of east coast road trip/late-night staple) (Editor's note: It's WaWa, not Wa Wa.  Davia, are you even from America?) for lunch, at which point we witnessed Mike eat a giant sandwich faster than should humanly have been possible. He should consider participating in eating contests. After the Wa Wa incident, I'm pretty sure he could win everything.

Anyway, the drive was really long and I started to get kind of fed up toward the end of it (are we there yet? are we there yet?). But finally we made it. Beau was another story. He got stuck at Dulles for six hours, so he didn't arrive until late Monday night/Tuesday morning. Awaiting us at the house, however, were Rachel and Audrey, and baked spaghetti and cake. We were all exhausted, so we did some grocery shopping and had a relatively quiet night in.

On Tuesday everyone went running but me, and we spent a relaxing and sleepy day in doing work (ish), reading, hanging out, and preparing for grilling. Apparently this is a beach week tradition, and a delightful one at that. Brian led the effort, but we all helped assemble the kebabs and kept people's glasses filled with Arnold Palmers, the required grill-night beverage. Surprise winner of the night: chicken kebabs. Also topping the list: grilled corn. So good. 

(Editor's Note: I'm supplementing this guest blog with my pictures.)

Other highlights: Ben ate alarming amounts of food: 10 kebabs (to everyone else's 4-5), and a sandwich, and some corn, and an apple. We called Kay because we were all sad she couldn't be there. Rachel busted out her guitar for some sing-a-longs. Ben and Kelsey and I locked ourselves in the bathroom upstairs for a heart-to-heart (Mike was sad about this. When he tried to open the door, we shut it in his face and said "no! you're not invited!"). 

Wednesday! Following in a similar vein to the day before, people ran, napped, worked, read, and hung out all day. 

(Kelsey is the most photogenic napper among us.)

Mike introduced us to shockball, the worst thing in the world. (Editor's note: I disagree.) Ben made bread. Josh was driving out alone so we decided to send him updates every hour to keep him motivated, which led to a rewrite of "Three Little Maids From School Are We" as well as some other hilarity. At dinner we decided we needed hush puppies, so we drove up the coast to a seafood place. Dinner was both hilarious and kind of scary. Hilarious: Mike made Kelsey try soft shell crab ("it's in me, it's in me now" + horrified expression). Scary: Ben, in the middle of eating an entire fried fish, fell ashen and told us he was having heart palpitations. We located the nearest hospital on my phone and Ben and Mike headed there to get Ben checked out. The rest of us finished dinner in a slightly less jolly manner and headed back, to await Josh's arrival and hoping Ben would be back soon. 

Once at home, we listened to Tragedy (naturally) and waited to hear updates from Mike via Kelsey's phone. I tried to keep Emily abreast of the situation, but Mike couldn't provide her with sufficient details, so she called the hospital herself and tried (but was prevented) to fly to South Carolina to check on Ben herself. 

(Editor's note: Emily later detailed her frustration with me in a series of "hipster Mike memes" that she made from a picture she pulled off of facebook.  For the record, I was giving her all the information that I had.)

At some point, Kelsey informed us that Mike and Ben wouldn't be back that night, but that it didn't appear to be anything serious. The requirement of Ben staying in the hospital led to a minor breakdown on my part, so I ate half a pan of brownies and locked myself in my room to make Noah deal with me via Skype (Mike had my phone with him at the hospital). Noah also had to calm Kelsey down later. Beau won quote of the night, when we realized Mike wouldn't let us come to the hospital: "what you could do is get so trashed that they give you the bed next to Ben." Anyway, no one else was quite as worried about Ben being gone as Kelsey and I. Translation: everyone else was being rational. But Josh arrived and he made things much happier.

Thursday. Kelsey and I woke up and wanted to go to the hospital to see Ben, since we had no idea when he was getting out. She made pancakes for everyone and sandwiches for Mike (since apparently he hadn't eaten since dinner the night before). Josh drove us to the hospital and Mike responded to the bringing of the sandwiches with "they're not on Ben's bread?" Whomp. (Editor's note: it was a joke, I was very appreciative of the sandwiches.) We all hung out for awhile and then Josh drove Mike home so he could sleep, and Kelsey and I watched over Ben while the doctors didn't arrive for many hours. They finally ran an echo-cardiogram and then we waited for several more hours, and around 8 that night they released him, with no explanation as to what was wrong with him. I'm not sure what happened at the house that day. Rachel and Audrey left at some point.

Thursday night was poker night. Poker Mike is terrible. (Editor's note: I have redacted a number of nicknames given to me while playing poker.  They were not terribly nice.) I would actually not be friends with him. In response to Poker Mike, Poker Davia developed. She is equally terrible, and her entire goal is to ruin Poker Mike's evening, which she did with some success. Ben won poker (expected), and Beau made delicious strawberry daiquiris. Josh and I split the last one, which led to "It's the daiquiri of friendships." "Is there any other kind?" "...the daiquiri of regrets." Ben drank out of his souvenir mug from the hospital all night. 

Friday. It was pretty warm out so Mike and Beau and Josh and I biked (on new bikes!) to the beach to study and read. We were there for a little while when it got really windy and dark and rain seemed imminent, so we headed back to the house. Mike's dad stopped by to chat for a little while. We lounged. Kelsey went for a run and then we headed for dinner (ALL THE HUSH PUPPIES). The proprietor of the establishment (Perhaps simply called "Fish House") gave us all shark tooth necklaces and had us compete to untie them for a sword. Beau won. The six year old in me thought this was the best last night dinner ever. When we headed home, we were all pretty exhausted and worn out from the week, so we settled in to watch some Star Trek TNG, and people gradually filed out for sleep and packing. Josh, Brian, Beau, Mike and I played a few games of bananagrams, with Mike attempting to play the same way he plays poker (which works out much worse in bananagrams than it did in poker. two 8s. jeez.). (Editor's note: Davia left out the story to which she now refers.  During a hand of poker, Poker Mike decided not to look at any of his cards for a specific hand.  On the table was a 5, 6, 7, 9, and something else.  I believe someone had a two-pair and someone had a three of a kind.  When Poker Mike turned over his cards, revealing not just one but two eights, Poker Davia went berserk. The laws of probability do not apply to Poker Mike.)  

Saturday. Beau left super early (4 am early), and Kelsey and I headed out around 10, leaving Josh, Mike, Ben and Brian for a boys night in the house. We were really craving Chick-fil-a on our way home, but there wasn't one within close range. Mike and co. decided to be obnoxious and go to Chick-fil-a to make us upset (it worked), and tweeted pictures from the restaurant (which only served to make us more angry). Iphone directions took us through ghost towns and woods that seemed like zombies would pop out at any moment, and we were relieved just to reach a highway that wasn't made of gravel and dirt and was more than one lane. Other than that, the drive was relatively uneventful, but Kelsey and I got to talk a lot, which made me really happy. When we got back to DC, she went to a Mutemath concert and I hung out with Noah and attempted to stay awake for her rearrival. Back in South Carolina, the boys grilled more and bonded over "manpagne."

(Editor's note: well yes we grilled more.  Look at it.  Wouldn't you?)

Sunday! The boys cleaned up the house and got on the road while Kelsey and Noah and I went to Coco Sala for a chocolate brunch experience, which was incredible. We enjoyed tweeting pictures of this in retaliation for the Chick-fil-a. After brunch, Kelsey headed back to Williamsburg. That evening, Josh and Ben and Mike and Brian arrived, not significantly worse for the wear, and spring break was effectively over.

General notes and TL;DR version (editor's note: TL;DR means too long, didn't read.): Spring break was awesome. A gigantic thank you to Mike for hosting us and for bringing all of these people together. 

Interrupting Post is Interrupting

This is supposed to be Where Are We Now (Part 2)- talking about my week at the beach following the New York trip.  That post will still come out sometime soon.

I was talking with roommate Ben the other day, lamenting the summer job search.  It's so binary- getting an internship is so incredibly important and requires so much effort and makes you feel so terrible about yourself as a person up until the moment you get one, at which point it doesn't matter at all.  Every resume and cover letter that goes out into the darkness unanswered seems like an assault on you as a person.  Every interview that ends with a "we'll let you know" followed by a thin envelope two weeks later explaining how you're a great candidate but they're going with someone else makes you want to give up entirely.  It is disheartening to have the feeling that you're going to one of the best law schools in the country and it seems like no one wants you to work for them even if you're doing it for free.  The problem is compounded as more students realize this and then send off increasingly less specific and enthusiastic cover letters to increasingly greater numbers of potential employers.

This observation is, of course, not news at all to anyone who has ever been looking for a job of any sort for any period longer than a couple of weeks.  We are not special or unique in experiencing this.

My numbers, if I were to estimate, go something like this:

Applications sent out: 30-40
Requests for interviews received: 5
Absolute silence: 20-25
Outright rejections: 2

These numbers would be considered really good by most of my classmates.  REALLY good.  Anything over a 5% interview request rate would be considered good, if the numbers I've heard are any indication.

Anyway, none of that matters anymore (as I had predicted in my conversation with Ben) because I got a job that I really wanted and I have accepted it.  It allows me to stay in DC, hang out around GULC as well as the Supreme Court, and teach some law!  I'll throw in more details about what I'm doing as they come up, but for right now I'm just very happy with the good fortune that I had in finding what seems to be the perfect job for me.  Now if all the rest of my friends get lucky in the crap shoot that is internship-finding I will be even happier.

Next major project- housing.

Where Are We Now? (part 1)

I have had many Spring Breaks before, but this one was the most eventful yet.  I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted- other people took a lot more, and maybe those will pop up here sooner or later.  I wanted to jot down my initial impressions while they were still relatively fresh.

Saturday (last Saturday)- at 10AM Ben, Davia, Goo and I met up at Union Station to board a Megabus for NYC.  I cannot recommend these things highly enough- we got a little table that the four of us could sit at the whole ride up and the round trip only cost around $20.

We played Risk and Monopoly on our way up.  I won Risk in something like four turns and got cocky, so it was good and right that Davia destroyed me in Monopoly.

At 3:30 we arrived in New York City.  The city never fails to be awe inspiring- for me, at least.  Goo lived there for three years and so was our designated expert.  She ferried us over to our beautiful hotel near Central Park.  The hotel was not ready for us, so we went to the store and came back and had wine and cheese in the hotel's bar area.  

We figured that if they said anything about it, we could inform them that we'd rather be doing it in a hotel room, but they didn't have one for us yet.  

We are also far too classy for glasses.

After our wine and cheese, Emily befriended the concierge and got us dinner reservations at a really fantastic (sorry to use Ben's word) restaurant where they prepared some of the best meat dishes I have ever had.  We met up with my Mom and Cindi Henderson at the restaurant, and then we went from there to the theater.  I had bought Mom tickets to the Broadway preview of Jesus Christ Superstar for Christmas, so this particular part of the trip was a long time in the making.   

Me and my Momma

I didn't really know the music to Jesus Christ Superstar- I mean, I knew the big numbers but I didn't have much idea about the structure of the show as a whole.  When the introductory announcement said "leave on your cell phones and beepers if you want, the score will drown out the sound anyway," I knew it was going to be my kind of thing.  And it was.  It really was.  I mean, Judas came out at one point wearing blue platform shoes and a sparkly blue shirt.  It was awesome.  

After the show we went to a restaurant to get some drinks and talk about the show for a while.  After that we walked back to the hotel.  All I can remember about the walk back is that at some point Ben was yelling about frozen yogurt and how Davia wasn't allowed to have any.  This is a good example of why I need to write blog posts shortly after events so that I can remember them. 

The next day I met up with Mom again for brunch and then another show!  When I got her tickets to see Jesus Christ Superstar, she got me tickets to see Book of Mormon (because she had to one-up me with tickets that no one else knows how to get). I already knew that I would like Book of Mormon, but after having seen it I can say that it may be the funniest show I have ever seen live.  Also extremely offensive, but in the best possible way.  

We went out to dinner after the show.  Mom didn't tell me when she said that we were going out to dinner with a couple of her friends that one of the friends happened to be a chef at the restaurant.  When we asked what sort of food to order, he would say things like: "well this is really good, and I make these..." and of course we would have to get the things that he made.  Somehow it managed to top the meal from the night before.  I think you get better service when you're friends with the chef, perhaps... 

At 10:00PM I boarded a Megabus back to DC.  Upon arrival at 2AM I was pranked mercilessly by Davia and Kelsey, who apparently know me far too well and were lying in wait to ambush me in such a way that I was absolutely certain I was not going to be surprised.  I congratulate them on their sneakiness. 

Part 2 to follow.

Don't Feed the Trolls

It is now Spring Break.  There is much rejoicing.  Last night we did another Thursday BeerTrek, further cementing the idea that Thursday is now BeerTrek day.  Much in the way that Tuesday will always be Twilight Zone Tuesday.  People have even made a meta-game for BeerTrek having to do with the number of times I bring up the fact that I invented BeerTrek on a given BeerTrek night.

Attendance at BeerTrek, pictured: Jeff's hands, Sara (doing the same thing as Jeff is with his hands, weirdly enough), Davia, Trevor, Jason, Emily P, and of course Steph W. Not pictured: Ben, Emily G, Josh (actually he's back there in the kitchen), Me.

Before BeerTrek I had my first ever oral arguments in a real courtroom.  It was for Legal Writing and Research, of course, and I was giving the arguments to 2Ls, but it was still a very neat experience.  The judges were kind, as well.  I spent most of my argument trying to win with math (based on time, walking speed, and the location my client was stopped by the police) and the judges seemed to like that.  I hadn't prepared very well so my opening statement was shaky, but they said I did the best at never giving any ground and refusing to be boxed in by hypotheticals, so I felt good about that.

This morning I went to the Federal Maritime Commission for an interview.  If I get a position there, I would be doing alternative dispute resolution dealing with international freight-by-sea... which is actually a lot more interesting and exciting than I can make it sound.  Regardless, it's my second interview for a position in DC, and I would really like to be in DC, so that's a win.  Roommate Ben was awesome and got a job with the New Jersey DA's office, but also went in to the FMC today for an interview for an externship for this semester or the next one.  There is a small chance (if my interview went well- I'm not sure if it did or not...) that we could be working together, which would be awesome.  To celebrate our joint interviews, we had Bojangles for lunch.  I can't believe that, just a few months ago, Ben had never experienced Bojangles.  I am honored to have fixed that for him.

Tomorrow morning I am off for NYC with some of my favorite people (I'm sure their identities would be a huge shock).  I'll be sure to take lots of blurry cameraphone pictures, as is the tradition.  Then by Monday I'll be at the beach, relaxing and rewriting my brief and trying to teach myself property law.

Speaking of Property, our professor gave us an assignment over the break.  Within the assignment she named all of the stakeholders after characters from TV shows.  Problem two lists Malcolm Reynolds conveying property to Zoe Washburne and, given a certain condition, then to Badger.  Obviously my professor is the best kind of nerd.  This only compounds the great love I felt for her after, in the last class, she gave out a hypothetical featuring "Spencer Hastings," to which a student said "well, he would have to (insert legal solution here)" to which the professor responded "yes, but for the record, Spencer is a girl.... you guys don't watch Pretty Little Liars?"  Other references have included Alias and 24.  I thought to myself- if I were a teacher, this is exactly the kind of thing I would do.  Then I remembered that I was and I did.  But I didn't keep a blog so I can't remember anything I did.  At least I'll always have this.

Finally to the title of my post.  You may have seen lately some news about a Georgetown Law student. She was invited to testify in front of congress about the issue of birth control being provided in insurance plans by non-church religious affiliated institutions.  Then she was uninvited.  Then she was invited to testify again by representatives who were pissed off about her being uninvited to the first panel (and about the first panel being made up entirely of men).  She gave a civil and reasonable argument in favor of allowing birth control to be a part of a very complicated bill that deals with a very complicated set of issues that I'm not going to get into.  Both sides, of course, have created a narrative which makes the answer seem entirely obvious based on which initial framing of the elements you choose to believe.  That is good marketing.  If I were to try and lay out the arguments on both sides it would take me many hours.  (Ultimately it's the balancing test of allowing someone to participate in ritualistic human sacrifices due to their religious beliefs vs forcing a kosher deli to sell pork- obviously neither is desirable.)  

Then a certain radio talk show host (you probably know who) got her name wrong, called her a Georgetown co-ed (not true- law student), called her a slut and a prostitute, offered to buy her all the aspirin she wanted (as contraception- you know, to put between her knees), and paraphrased all of her comments as suggesting that students at Georgetown were having so much sex and they wanted taxpayers to pay them for it.  

His account basically gets it right, except for how he ignores her entire testimony, a large part of which had to do with her friend losing an ovary because she couldn't get the birth control she needed to control a medical condition.  Many women that I know, in fact, have non-sexually related medical conditions which can be improved or maintained only by birth control- so this isn't a rare phenomenon.  I'm not going to argue the facts, though- many others have already done so.  The outrage over his words and the solidarity of students and faculty alike on the law campus has been pretty high.  What no one is talking about, though, is the possibility that we're all just feeding the troll.  

This radio host is certainly intelligent enough to understand how birth control works, and yet he is willfully misrepresenting the mechanics of it to make a hyperbolic point.  He certainly is intelligent enough to have read the actual testimony, and yet he repeatedly ignores almost every point made.  He is certainly intelligent enough to make a well-reasoned argument against this student relying, perhaps, on concepts of religious freedom or on medical statistics.... but he does not.  He is certainly intelligent enough to know that calling someone a slut and a prostitute and asking for videos of her having sex (since he would be paying for the birth control- get it?), even in a joking way, was going to bring down a mountain of anger on him.  

And that is exactly what he wants, because he is a troll.  What does not destroy the troll will only make him stronger.  Unless the outrage over this gets him forcibly removed from his show (which it will not) then, in my opinion, everyone expressing outrage is just doing exactly what he wants.  He hasn't been in the news in a while, he needed something to rev up his base (you market to your super-users, because they account for 90% of your revenues anyway), and this is how he decided to do it.  Trolls are of the same mindset as the admen who believe that all publicity, even bad, is good.  It's a calculated risk, yes, but one I think he is going to win.  

His base, in fact, will only grow stronger.  There are several psychological principles at play (definitions stolen from wikipedia, in turn stolen from somewhere else):  

• The Backfire Effect- when people react to negative evidence by strengthening their beliefs.
• Confirmation Bias- the tendency to search for or interpret information that confirms one's preconceptions.
• Hostile Media Effect- the tendency to see a media report as being biased due to one's own strong partisan views.
• Subjective Validation- the perception that something is true if a subject's belief demands it to be true.

This is just a prediction, of course.  I may be wrong.  But here's the thing- he has to know that doubling down on his words, as he is currently doing, is going to turn everyone who isn't of his extreme conservative beliefs against him and (as a halo effect bias) towards the liberal side of this entire issue.  Perhaps it is because he doesn't care about the issue... he cares about his brand... and in order to help his brand he is willing to sacrifice his own side as collateral damage.  

So yes, he lowered the level of civil discourse.  Yes, his remarks were purposefully mean-spirited and asinine.  Yes, he is a total jerk.  

But...

Calling on congressmen to denounce him, calling on his sponsors to remove their ads from his program, wishing his swift and painful death on Facebook, etc.... will probably see some effect in the short term, but in the long term will only serve to strengthen his base and increase his revenues.  

We think that the solution is to engage the troll so as to demonstrate to the people listening to him that he is wrong.  This makes intuitive sense, but it isn't how his listeners, in all likelihood, are going to respond.  It is irrational, yes, but predictably so.  

An easy narrative on either side sounds nice and gives one the comfort of being right.  The troll, by removing the issue from its facts, makes the narrative (again, on both sides) that much easier.  I don't know how to best go about not feeding trolls, but I felt the need to type down my own thoughts simply because I hadn't heard anyone yet suggest the possibility that in our outrage over the troll we are only making him grow stronger...

We're Not Leaving Until at Least One of us is Dead

So I went to Atlantic City this weekend with Ben, Davia, and Emily Goo.  We planned this trip back in early January.  The planning process went like this (as with all my transcriptions of conversations that happened months ago, this is entirely apocryphal, but it is what I remember to be true):

Emily: "After R&G is over, we should do a roadtrip.  I have always wanted to visit Williamsburg.  Let's go there and visit Kelsey."

Me: "Great idea!  But she has a conference that weekend and won't be there."

Emily: "Oh..."

Me: "Well we're still free that weekend, right?  Let's just go somewhere anyway."

Emily: "Where?"

Me: "Just point somewhere on the map.  Disneyworld?"

Emily: "Too far. Atlantic City?"

And that's how that happened.  None of us had ever been there and Cioffi (Goo's car) needed an inaugural journey.  Also I figured after weeks of flipping coins that only came up heads, my luck would be pretty good.

We left on Friday, after having spent a delightful Thursday night Beertrekking at Josh's place.  It may have been the best Beertrek ever.  This is now a Thursday night tradition.  We then sat in traffic for a while, because it is DC.  We listened to the entirety of Bat Boy: the Musical because that's the kind of thing we do.  I also read a fascinating book about North Korea. (Link goes to book.  Note that on Amazon it has 246 reviews, 240 of which are either 4 or 5 stars.  Because it is very well written and it deserves 4 or 5 stars.  Out of curiosity I took a look at the single one star review which starts with "First of all, I didn't read this book." and then proceeds to explain why it deserves one star because it is probably just a Western propaganda piece.  For those of you unfamiliar with internet terminology, this is a textbook example of what we might call "Trolling."  This is when you purposefully say something that you know will infuriate other people on the internet.  The comments on this "review" are also hilarious.)    

A few minutes after I offered to take over the driving shift (Cioffi driving Cioffi) a torrential downpour began.  Which, you know, figures.  Every time I said the words "I've driven in worse" the rain fell a little harder just to see if I would say it again.  Eventually I got to: "I've PROBABLY driven in worse, but I'm not sure," and it evened out a bit.  Since I am typing this, you can assume that we survived.

We made it to Caesar's Palace around 5:15 PM, at which point we walked into an indoor land of magic and whimsy where it was always dusk and there was no reason to care how hard it was raining outside.  We checked into our room, I accidentally blew up a bottle of tonic water (like I do), and we dressed up and went to dinner at the Atlantic Grill.  We had a server who reminded us somewhat of Tommy Wiseau in that he behaved in a such a bizarre manner that we couldn't help but love him.

Donald: "You know what you guys want?  A cosmopolitan.  They are delicious tonight."

Emily: "I'm not so much of a sweet drink person."

Donald: "I can have them make the cosmopolitan less sweet."

Emily: "No, thank you...."

Donald: "Are you sure?"

Emily: "How about a manhattan."

Donald (dejected): "Okay..."

He also immediately assumed that we were two couples on a fancy couple date.  At one point he said this following (and this is not apocryphal, this is exactly what he said):

"It's so wonderful when you see a man, and a woman.... and a man, and a woman... and I am their assistant."

Indeed he was.  It is a shame we didn't get a picture with him.

We did get a picture with Caesar, though.  And Cleopatra.

I didn't inquire as to whether he was supposed to be Julius Caesar (I was afraid of the answer- all of the other statues around the casino were of Augustus but Augustus and Cleopatra would make no sense.  Hi, I'm a nerd and something like that would actually bother me, which is a really stupid thing to think of in an Atlantic City Casino).  

As we left the restaurant that first night, Donald come over and leaned down conspiratorially.

"Guys- I'm going to leave you with just one thing.  I want you to remember this.  It. Was. Meant."

Thanks, Donald.  We'll never forget you.

Nor will we forget the delightfully large poker chip in the lobby.

We hit the casino and everyone played a bit of slots.  I used to be entirely against slots, but then one time in Montreal I was at a casino with this girl who had never been gambling before.  I, the wise gambler (I was 19), told her that slots were the worst thing you could possibly do.  Terrible odds.  She said she understood that but still wanted to play just once, just for fun.  I said fine and then watched knowingly as she squandered her five dollars.  On her last hit, she won $250.  Incredulous, I put a dollar into the machine next to hers.  I won $50.  So yes, slot machines are a terrible bet... but that's not really the point of them, is it?

Which is all just an apologetic for why I immediately lost $10 on slots.  Ben won $20.  Of course he did.  Once we were done with our mandatory "we're here and we've played some casino games" thing, we went upstairs and went to sleep because we were tired.  Emily was especially tired.  This evening represented the first time that I saw belligerently tired Goo.  I think it's her way of wearing herself out before bed, since she is naturally just a fireball of energy.  She would tell the story differently, I'm sure.

Among the things yelled at me before she tired herself out:

"I need it! [a cough drop] I have a sore throat!  You're going to ruin my life!" 

"I'm going to call your mom and tell her you're fired from my life."

"I'm storming into the bathroom in a rage.  IN A RAGE!"

"Who's electric toothbrush is in the bathroom? [It was mine.] I was staring at it.  The electric toothbrush.  The whole time.  Just furious."  

Davia and Ben laughed the whole time, as they were not the focus of her arbitrary ire.  I was also laughing, which probably resulted in more verbal barrages.

Saturday morning, I woke up to Emily hitting me, but this time because she was sick and needed help.  I got her ice and medicine for what was apparently a short-lived stomach bug.  Karma?  

Davia and Ben and I watched "Tangled" while waiting for Goo to stop dying in the corner.  Good movie!  Davia cried on my shirt.  Not because Goo was in pain.  Because of the Disney movie.

Goo recovers surprisingly quickly and no hospital visit is required.  Great success.  

We pose in front of Caesar Augustus.  The time is dusk.  As always.

We went to the exactly-how-you-would-expect-it-to-be Trump Casino, which was next door.  They had $1 blackjack.  Or rather, $1.25 blackjack, because there was a 25 cent dealer fee for every hand.  After a bit I came out exactly even.  And Ben was up a few bucks.  Again.  Davia watched.  Another rousing success.   Then we got hotdogs and ice cream and watched the water fountain show.  Not quite as impressive as the one in Vegas, but still pretty good.  

Less than an hour later, Davia wins $75 playing penny slots on her first machine of the night.  I finally get up a bit on slots and then make the silly decision to play Texas Holdem.  Emily and I both go in.  I sat next to a guy with an NYPD hat who proceeded to slaughter everyone at the table with every hand, including me (I lost with pocket kings- lady luck was not with me).  I lose all my slot winnings.  Goo wins exactly what I lost.  I calculate that, given the number of free drinks I was brought, I can rationalize my losses as having paid $12.50 each for two gin and tonics.  Worth it.

Ben had a moot court argument on Sunday morning, so he had to leave on a bus at 1AM.  We left Caesar's and went to the Wild West Casino to wait with him.  

And take goofy pictures.

We also got a ton of wings (it was a wild-west themed casino, so of course there was a giant wings station) and many kinds of sauce.  Good 1AM food.  After Ben left we played Settlers of Catan.  I should mention that, as we left the casino the next day, the bellhop saw the game and said "I hope that was for a drinking game."  We lied and said it was.  It was not.  It's just a good game.  Emily tried to cheat and the game ended during a scuffle that resulted in the game board being knocked off kilter, but that, again, is a story that I imagine she would tell differently.

The next morning we went out to get breakfast and ran into the worst drug dealer in the world.  He called out to us from across the street.  "I got these great buds, man!"  We resist the urge to tell him that there was a flaw in his brilliant marketing strategy (I especially wanted to stop and say- "everything you are doing is both reasonable suspicion AND probable cause.") and went on our way.  On our way back we saw him hanging around what appeared to be a twenty year old white girl who was on the phone with her friend asking about prices.  I'm sure that exchange ended well.

We had a delicious brunch at a Mexican place where we were the only ones speaking English.  A good find.  Then we went back to Trump (can't get enough of all that red decor) and I moved on to roulette.  I allowed Davia and Emily to select my numbers, and I came out $12 up.  Then I lost it on the slot machines, because I can't resist the slot machines.  Even though they're bad bets.  I end the weekend basically even.  Davia finished up some amount, as did Goo.  I'm not sure of Ben's tally.  I'm sure it would upset me.  But it wouldn't surprise me, because it's Ben.  

An epic weekend surrounded by wonderful friends!