Normal Post Reflecting on Cabaret. Certainly Not a Guest Post from Emily Goo.

[but if it were a guest post from Emily Goo, I would say as always that, to my most assuredly great future remorse, I have not edited it in the least]

 Hi again everyone. It's me again, your friend Mike Johnson. I am definitely taking the time to sit down and write this blog post again. In no way have I outsourced this responsibility to my dear friend and past guest blogger Emily Goo, who, while we're on the subject, is literally the coolest person who has ever existed in the whole of human history. Don't you agree? Of course you do. It is proven. It is meant.

 So, since I, Mike, am writing this post, and definitely not Emily Goo, paragon of greatness, I will totally write a few more details about this past show week with perfect knowledge and recall, because after all, it was I, Mike, who lived through those things, so of course I would know exactly what I got up to all week. It was like this, you see:

 SUNDAY:
On Sunday, I probably slept in kind of late, unless Kelsey woke me up and encouraged me to go for a run, which I did so that I could smile at all the jealous-looking guys passing by who were staring at Kelsey and then stop for just a moment to whisper "That's right. She's with me." In the evening, I can only assume that I went to a cue-to-cue or tech rehearsal of some kind for Cabaret. It is very safe to assume that I effectively sang about pineapples, and made two endearingly awkward dance errors, for such is my aw-shucks charm that keeps my friends' mothers all across this nation asking their children, "How is your friend Mike? He is just such a lovely guy. Send him my best."

MONDAY:
I probably went to class, because I am responsible, but with a slight glaze in my eyes because show week sleep deprivation was already creeping in. I definitely wielded a few overenthusiastic GChats from Emily Goo, who, in case I failed to mention before, is the absolute cat's pajamas and whose formidable intellect is rivaled only by her razor-sharp wit. Maybe I dozed off a little bit in class, but when the professor called on me, I of course knew exactly what to say because I'm Mike Johnson. I always can at least sound like I know what I'm doing, gentle reader. Never forget this. In the evening, I went to our first dress rehearsal and probably did the costume parade, at which I debuted my comical hairpiece, mustache, and old-German-dude suit replete with sweater vest and garish bow tie. Through the wizardry of costume designer...

(please hold while I definitely don't have to check the program, because I'm Mike Johnson after all, I'm in the show, so why would I need to confirm the costume designer?)

 ...Liz Ennis, the affable WASPy Mike you've come to know and love so well was transformed into an elderly Jew from the past. It is a safe bet that at some point, Justine McClain, my stage fiancée, spanked me without warning and shockingly hard. This likely occurred right after our tender love ballad about tropical fruit. Justine McClain suffers from a rare affliction known as Compulsive SlapAss. An educational video about this condition can be found here.

TUESDAY:
I definitely did some more stuff on Tuesday! Class probably? Maybe worked at the library? Fed Rupert, the cat, who once joined forces with our house's upstairs cat to torment Emily Goo while she was stuck alone in my house in an incident she still has not recovered from (freaking cat)? Then in the evening was the final dress rehearsal! I am sure I exchanged some snarky, manly words with my friend Dan Snow. I am sure I gave a big hug to my beloved friend Abigail "Absi" Fine, who is finally in DC and who I'm privileged to share a stage with again. (I'm pretty sure, being Mike Johnson and having lived my own life, that Absi and I have been onstage before. My friend Emily Goo might not be 100% sure of that. But that's irrelevant, because Emily Goo is definitely not writing this post.) I am sure my adrenaline was very high as I watched the show come together to perfection. I am sure I felt slightly uncomfortable when I went to kiss Kelsey backstage, because I was dressed as a grinning lonely old man and she was dressed as a young sultry temptress and the effect was beyond lecherous. But whatever, you try turning down the chance to make out with Kelsey. Fortunately, I am Mike Johnson, so I don't ever have to do that!

 Wednesday:

OPENING NIGHT! There was a day that happened before opening night, so I probably did some law stuff -- you know, tort reform, some kind of litigation, mock trials and such things? Whatever. It was OPENING NIGHT.

While I was disappointed that my friend Emily Goo was not able to come for opening night, it is the consensus of pretty much everyone that the performance was a stunning success. I definitely want to give you a lot of details about the performance, because after all, I'm Mike Johnson and I was there! I am qualified to do that! So wait right here, I'll be right back to get you those firsthand details of opening night. Wait a minute, what's this in my pocket? Oh look! It's Dr. Who's Sonic Screwdriver! BOOM! Oh, hey, you're back. What were we talking about, you ask? I had just finished giving you alll the details about Wednesday night's performance! Then we went to The Goat for the opening night party, because we always do that! I am sure someone sang some karaoke and at least one person got ridiculously drunk! Some people had french fries. The mood was high and nobody wanted to go to bed and have this triumphant night end.

Thursday:
SECOND NIGHT OF CABARET! Nearly as importantly, Emily Goo arrived in DC that afternoon. My mother and maternal grandmother were coming to the show and invited me to join them for a quick drink before call. Obviously, when I arrived, I found my mother, maternal grandmother, sitting at a table sipping cocktails and laughing with...Emily Goo. Obviously. Because parents love Emily Goo and Emily Goo loves parents. Especially my mom. And...well...I think she's got all my grandparents wrapped up too. I gave Goo a hug, posed for a silly picture with her, and off I went to call.

Token picture of me & Goo. 

It is safe to assume that my cherished friend and unofficial housemate Sara Collins assisted me in putting on my old man makeup, and anytime I asked a clarifying question, she told me that "I was the worst" and pushed my face.

I did an absolutely wonderful job on Thursday night. I know this because Emily Goo screeched with delight like some kind of rabid forest creature anytime I said or did anything impressive or funny. I was particularly effective during Justine's and my infamous pineapple song, at which point Emily Goo could be heard from the audience yelping "Is that a PINEAPPLE? WHY IS THERE A PINEAPPLE?" I played it cool and did not break character, not even when Emily Goo loudly yelled an expletive during the dramatic reveal of Josh's character's swastika insignia. I am an excellent actor.

Seriously, though, my performance was poignant, soulful, funny, and virtually flawless. I was the most endearing old Jewish man you've ever imagined and sometimes I made audience members tear up. Definitely not Emily Goo. She was probably just cutting onions. Emily Goo does not cry; she is too mighty.

After the show and receiving my enthusiastic tackle from Emily Goo, we adjourned to Josh's house for an epic post-show party. Highlights include:
- Xander screwing up the Christmas light display and leaving it in a sorry heap on the floor. HE HAD ONE JOB.
- Josh demonstrating his uncomfortably sensual lip dub to "Maybe This Time."
- Watching Emily Goo's face fall when she learned that her Internet best friend and, if you ask some gullible people (HI, AMY RENO!), her cousin Michael van Maele was perfect in every way except for being a vegan. Don't worry, the relationship was saved.

FRIDAY:
I joined Emily Goo, Sara, Jeff, Justine, Davia and Noah for lunch at Wiseguy Pizza where I fraped her with too much sriracha sauce on her pizza and watched as the contents of her already impaired sinuses (she was getting over some kind of walking pneumonia death thing) emptied out onto the sidewalk of Washington DC. Then I went back to work because I am boring even though the rest of them all hung out for several more hours and missed me terribly.

Friday night was far and away our best performance of Cabaret. The energy was high, everyone seemed totally lost in their characters, all the fancy effects went off without a hitch, and the music -- both orchestra- and vocalist-wise -- was impeccable. Emily Goo could be seen in the second row convulsing with joy. This may just be because she had a great view up the Kit Kat Girls' skirts, though. Very difficult to tell.

After that performance, we went to a wonderful and always-uberclassy party at Dania and Bogo's house. This was officially the formal party, but frankly, any party at Dania and Bogo's house is a formal party, because the two of them are JUST THAT CLASSY. The party featured gobs of delicious food and drink, beautifully dressed people everywhere you turned, whimsical and improbable social situations, and Ben's friend Mike Ottaviano, who Emily Goo was strangely confrontational to. I'm sure there's an explanation. She doesn't want to talk about it. It was a great time.

SATURDAY:

My paternal grandparents came to town! We had lunch at the Argonaut, I think? Yeah, the Argonaut. It was great to see them.

Saturday's performance went fantastically. I am sure I experienced many emotions as I sang each song and performed each scene for the last time. I am sure I contemplated how much I would miss drunkenly rambling about schnapps to my dear friend Josh Litten. I am sure I thought about how I never expected to feel so emotionally attached to a pineapple.

The cast party was in Gewirz 12, as ever, also known as Emily Goo's former unofficial residence on the GULC campus. (As to the allegations that she has slept in G12 more than five times, I challenge you to prove anything.) I got my tech prize for serving on the following crew. Please talk amongst yourselves while I stretch my arms out. I'm definitely not reaching for the program again to see what crew I am on.

Set! Obviously. I am great at sets. And I did a great job with the Cabaret one, by the way, under the supervision of my crew head, roommate, landlord, and close friend Jeff Asjes. I think Jeff probably gave me a piece of the set that said something in cursive? I totally remember, because I'm me and I experienced it.

SUNDAY:
The next day was strike, during which I probably pulled apart and destroyed lots of things I worked very hard to create without complaining, and then probably dinner at Five Guys because tradition, and with that, one of GG&SS' best shows in the past 3 years -- if not the best -- was over. Emily Goo was gone by then, but left a legacy of greatness and gratitude for her devotion in attending 3 out of the 4 performances and matching, if not exceeding, her genuine enthusiasm on each subsequent night.

This week and weekend, I'll probably sleep as much as possible, except for a "low-key gathering" of about 50 people that's being arranged for this Friday involving peppermint schnapps and chocolate. 

Next weekend, Kelsey, Josh, Sara, Jeff, Ben and I all fly to Boston to visit Emily Goo's swanky new place for the first time, see her mother in The Mikado, tour her childhood home, and of course, go to the premiere of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire in full costume. Because THAT is how respectable adults behave.

So in short: Cabaret was awesome, I am definitely Mike Johnson and not Emily Goo, and I discourage follow-up questions on the identity of this post's author. YAY CABARET!

CABARET

When Kelsey and I started dating, she insisted that, while she appreciated my love of theater, she:

1. was not a theater person
2. was not going to become a theater person, and
3. would never be in a show.

This is Kelsey from last week:

And here

 And here

I believe she even suggested getting hoisted into the air.

I am very proud of her for having jumped in, completely voluntarily, to the world of theater. It is a scary place, especially for someone who has never done anything remotely similar, but she was so comfortable that no one would have ever known this was her debut performance. 

The show itself was one of the best that I have been a part of, from an acting standpoint. The entire cast was great and contained a good mixture of both old and new friends. I also enjoyed that my character got to shake hands and give fruit to everyone. 

Justine was a delightful counterpart to my old man, and Xander and Elizabeth were two of the most talented 1Ls we could have wished for.

Italian oranges. Delicious.

Pineapple. Delicious.

Shaking hands with Josh, my dear friend for eight years now while Absi, another dear friend for eight years, chats in the background.

Shaking hands is almost as fun as giving out fruit.

It was wonderful, as always, to have family and friends come see the show. My family, Kelsey's family, my co-workers, Kelsey's co-workers, our friends from college, our friends from DC, etc.... all made sure that we had someone to specifically perform for each night. 

After strike, the entire cast started making plans to hang out with each other, because apparently eight weeks of rehearsal wasn't enough. Sometimes theater is like that.

Mock Trial Weekend in Detroit

After enduring two months of learning how to mock trial, I was sent by plane to Detroit to actively participate in a mock trial competition. Our case was a thinly veiled Oscar Pistorius story using How I Met Your Mother names. I, of course, got to play the defendant in addition to my responsibilities as prosecution closer and expert-witness examiner.

Team D (from left to right): Jessica, Nik (our wonderful coach), Caitlin, Travis, and Me.

We arrived in Detroit last Wednesday and were immediately struck by how not-bankrupt the airport and the immediately surrounding area looked. Then we realized that the airport was about a half hour from real Detroit, where we would be headed.

This is more like it.

When we got to the downtown area, all of the buildings were beautiful but something seemed... off. We slowly realized that there were just no people around. None. We were in the middle of what looked like a large downtown metropolitan area, and there we were the only people. We sauntered across a six-lane highway while the red hand was on. It was like a zombie movie. A very dull zombie movie. We were hungry so we went into a large sports bar. It was not late, but we were the only people there. When we walked in there was some loud rap music, but when the bartender saw us he changed it to quiet Bon Jovi. I'm not sure what to make of that. 

A view of our bar in the daytime. Note that we are right in the middle of downtown and you can see one whole person in this picture. 

A view of the "People Mover" (two-car monorail) tracks and the GM Renaissance Center.

Apparently Detroit refers to itself as "The D." I don't believe that has caught on outside the immediate area.

Closer view of the GM center, which was pretty great. 

View from the top of the GM Center. You can see Canada over the river.

Anyway, my team was great and we had a lot of fun. We won two rounds and lost one, which was probably my fault for using the wrong inflection in a sentence about the nature of intent. That was almost good enough to break into the top 4, but we ended up in 5th place. For a team full of first-timers, it was a very good result. Hopefully I will have another opportunity to do a trial next semester.

Now it's time to do all-Cabaret all-the-time. We go up next week!

The Mystery of the Ossicles

First off, I suppose I should talk about the ENT appointment that I had last Monday. I just got the official results back this Monday, and, SURPRISE, we continue to have no idea why my right ear sucks so very slightly. My right ear and Stonehenge- mysteries we may never solve.

The diagnosis, though, is that since there is nothing to explain the hearing loss, I may have had something percussive happen near or in my ear at the exact wrong time that caused one of my tiny ossicles to move the tiniest bit. If I absolutely had to, then technically I could have a minor surgery that complies with all Navy regulations and that would let me join in 120 days. I say "technically" because it is clear that lawyers did not write the Navy's medical manual and the procedure that they say they allow is more like ten different procedures that all happen to have the same name. Well, I am appealing on the basis of "this is dumb" but am also requesting an advisory opinion as to whether I am correct in my interpretation of their regulations.

In the meantime, I have been going on some fun job interviews. I had one this morning, actually, with a judge in Maryland. We talked about law for about thirty seconds and then we spent the remainder of the hour discussing musical theater and Battlestar Galactica. Boy am I glad that I learned all that law to prepare for interviews for legal jobs. (But really, I'm very happy that I finished Battlestar Galactica in spite of a couple lackluster seasons because the judge was a HUGE fan and apparently requires all of his clerks to watch the full series as homework.)

I leave for Detroit tomorrow and will hopefully do a writeup of how the competition goes, but until then here's a picture of my costume design for Cabaret. I may or may not end up looking anything like this, but I really like the concept.

SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING

I was only 9 or 10 when the last government shutdown happened and was not aware of it at the time, so the current shutdown is fascinating to me in a morbid gallows-humor sort of way. It would be more entertaining if many of my friends didn't work for the federal government as "non-essential" personnel. The big problem with "non-essential" is that a lot of it works out to "newer" and hence "lower-paid" and hence "people-who-actually-relied-on-their-paychecks" personnel. Then again, there is a bill in place that will get them paid after this is all over, so I suppose they'll be fine.

What has been most interesting, from a structured negotiation point of view, is the framing that has been done surrounding the shutdown debate. It's all very Roshomon, and I would enjoy it a lot more if it wasn't actively wasting billions of dollars and stopping me from going to all of my favorite museums that I always intend to but never actually have time to go to.

Last Monday I went to Emelie and Nathan's wedding. I've been friends with Emelie now for over a decade, meaning it has been over ten years since she was Sandy and I was Eugene in Woodberry's production of Grease. The wedding was beautiful (perfect weather, great location, and I got to sit with some old friends) and it was so nice to see her and her entire family again. I used to entertain her youngest sister when she was five, and now that sister is in high school and is, in fact, basically the same age that Em and I were when we met. I advised the sister to be especially nice to the people she meets this year, because some of them will likely be at her wedding.

The show is progressing nicely- I don't think that I have been a part of such a uniformly talented cast in a long time. The singing (not from me, but from others) is going to be spectacular. Kelsey and the Kit-Kat girls have bonded and she is starting to be a real theater person (one thing that she told me she would never, ever be).

Mock trial is also going well, though I did make a mistake in the most recent draft of my closing argument. Our case is about a man who has to wear prosthetic legs and who may or may not have murdered his girlfriend because he may or may not have thought there was an intruder in the house, and in the middle of my closing I was rising to an emotional and rhetorical high-point when I yelled "It just isn't reasonable to have that sort of CRIPPLING fear."

This is why we do multiple drafts.

Nothing Like a Fall Show

It's September, and that means I once again backtracked on any and all previous declarations that I would not audition for the fall GGSS musical. We're doing Cabaret and I will be playing Schultz, the Jewish fruit-vendor who serves as a reminder to the audience that things in 1930's Germany were about to go in a slightly negative direction.

I am very proud to say that I am one of FIVE William and Mary people who are in this show. I was the only one two years ago in Curtains, and I'm going to go ahead and take the credit for getting at least three out of the other four who are currently participating. I am most proud of Kelsey, who has never expressed any interest in being in a show and who, a day before the audition, decided that she wanted to be a dancer. In true GGSS fashion, they said "OK, but will you sing for us too?" and she ended up getting one of the named Kit Kat Girl roles. Other WM people include Josh, who is playing Ernst (the cuddliest Nazi) and Absi, who just moved to DC and who I'm very excited to do a show with again (since we last did a show together in... 2007?). There is also a new 1L from William and Mary for whom I cannot take credit. Apparently people from William and Mary sometimes just choose to come to Georgetown Law and end up in the Gilbert and Sullivan Society.

The show goes up November 6th-9th, and I will go ahead and highly recommend this one. We did a first read/sing-through last night and some of the leads could sing the exact same way at the performances and still make people cry. I told a couple of them to lay off and leave some room for improvement.

Nothing much else is new. It has started to get cold again. I may have to stop wearing shorts sometime within the next couple of weeks. Always a sad transition. BUT, stores start selling everything with a pumpkin spice flavor, so there is that.

Phoenix

Every time I have wanted to blog in the past month, I have then thought "no, better work on a job application." I rarely actually DID work on a job application, but I was certainly thinking about it and I did get a few finished. Also, I still have a theoretical shot with JAG pending an appointment with an ENT (because my hearing loss isn't the permanent inner-ear kind and may be able to be fixed, though I wouldn't really notice a difference either way except in how it alters my employment status).

I have been touched over the past month by how many people in my life decided to make my post-school job their personal mission. You all are the best. For now, though, there will be no more job posts on the blog until I have a signed contract in my hand (and even then, maybe not until I've been working for a year or so. Don't want to chance it). Back to the boring synopses of my day-to-day life!

To kick off the school year we had a labor day cookout on Monday after plans for a normal weekend brunch morphed into a... labor day cookout. We had a lot of extra meat from Costco due to a miscommunication about meat-buying for another cookout earlier in the summer, so I volunteered to make burgers. I actually followed a recipe instead of just dumping a bottle of Worcestershire into a mixing-bowl of ground beef, which is what I normally do, and the burgers came out great. Justine and Patrick also brought a package of bacon and asked if I wanted to grill it. I had not done bacon on a grill before, but the idea of bacon to put on top of the burgers was appealing so I said sure. I asked Kelsey to lay out the bacon on the grill, shut the lid, and went inside for a second to bring in burgers.

When I came back, I noticed that the grill thermometer had gone from 200 degrees (F) to about 700 degrees. A curious development, I thought, but then again - who was I to question the cooking needs of bacon? Upon opening the grill, I realized that something might be wrong by the way the bacon was all literally on fire. Each strip was a tiny inferno, feeding off its ample fat reserves and mocking my belated attempt to turn the grill off. When the fires had all gone out, I took a picture of the bacon-graveyard.

I'm sure we didn't want that bacon anyway.

This is approximately the time that my very helpful friends informed me that placing bacon directly onto a grill was probably not the best of ideas. Noted. 

See Kelsey's blog for a report of things that actually happened. I wasted all my words describing a bacon fire. 

I'm just going to leave this here.